Psychoanalysis helps analyse where Ana lies

Just to prove that not all sports people think Plato is something you use to eat dinner, tennis star Ana Ivanovic has revealed her preferred pre-tournament reading: complex theoretical tracts by renowned pair of psychoanalysts Siegmund Freud and Karen Horney. "It's great to learn about emotions and how they function, it helps me control myself," Ivanovic said. The Serbian beauty has also dipped into the Dalai Lama's 'Art of Happiness', where she has learnt to "picture myself lying on a beach" before relaxing. You're not the only one, Ana.

Struggling Charlton deserve screen break

Charlton are getting creative as they seek to come up with cost-cutting measures following relegation to League One, with the Valley's big screen at risk of being scrapped due to the high costs of running it. Whether the fans will be so dismayed at not having to watch opponents' goals being replayed over and over is probably another matter, although one possible avenue being explored for covering the costs of the screen's technical support is sponsorship, with appeals being made to local businesses to chip in to lend their name to the equipment. On the basis of last season's results, can we suggest any building firms specialising in demolition jobs or possibly the south-east London branch of the Samaritans to give chairman Richard Murray a call.

Sachin cashes in on his spitting image

You know you've made it when spitting on something actually enhances its value. Need proof? Last week, Sachin Tendulkar launched his luxury Opus book — the coffee-table-sized, coffee-table tomes which have also been produced for Arsenal, Tottenham and Manchester United. Included in the £3,000 asking price will be a two-metre-wide artistic impression of Tendulkar's DNA, taken from a saliva swab. The Indian batsman is usually known as the Master Blaster but maybe he needs a new nickname — The Man With The Golden Gob?

So, what's the Geordie for Schadenfreude?

A new cottage industry has sprung up in the North-East — Newcastle baiting. Sunderland fans have been exercising their little grey cells in the hope of coming up with new ways of poking fun at their relegated rivals from Tyneside and the results are impressive. A banner was recently unfurled over the side of the Tyne Bridge reading Well done Mary Poppins', in homage to Alan Shearer's nickname, while Mike Ashley's decision to put the club up for sale at a knock-down price has led one Wearside retailer to rechristen his shop Shearer's Pound Shop'. Our favourite, though, has to be the enterprising supporter who erected a fake road sign on the Newcastle-bound A19, bearing an arrow and the words: Sid James' Park, the biggest stadium in the Fizzy Pop League.