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Over the years there have been many reports of distasteful goings on at Royal Ascot (racegoers copulating on the grass, snorting in the loos and so on), but nothing can have offended traditionalists like myself like a sight on Saturday. What, oh what was Michael Owen doing in the royal procession? That Owen who said today he will leave Newcastle this summer, shares both Her Majesty's disdain for football and her love of the turf is well known. Even so, seeing him sat there in his topper, you couldn't stop the mind flashing back to Bobby Moore wiping the sweat from his hand to shaking the Queen's glove at Wembley in 1966. And now, 43 three years of hurt later, footballers who've come no closer to the great trophy than a World Cup quarter-final travel a couple of carriages behind the sovereign. Egalitarianism is a noble thing but Her Maj might reflect that it can tip over into febrile republicanism.
One is not amused by Barton's Royal affair
We take a less censorious line on the presence in the Royal Enclosure of Mr Owen's Newcastle United chum, Joey Barton. If Nick Griffin can be invited, however briefly, to a garden party, this erstwhile jailbird is entitled to don the Ascot morning suit. It isn't particularly savoury and the late Queen Mary would not have approved but enclosure tickets can be bought from touts, where invitations to join the procession cannot.
Silverstone surprise as Fergie visits paddock
In a tough, no nonsense counterstrike to this trend for sportsmen invading Royal events, the Duchess of York visited yesterday's British Grand Prix. Although it was a delight to see so much of Fergie in the BBC's pre-race coverage of the paddock (below, with Renault's Fernando Alonso), it isn't clear what she was doing there. There are rumours that she's thinking of swapping her role with WeightWatchers for a mechanic's job with Brawn GP, which might explain why she seemed to be carrying a couple of spare tyres, but this is the sort of witless, sexist tripe this column will not tolerate.
