Spurs fans are quick to welcome couch

Organisers of the Wembley Cup were more than happy to trumpet the fact that almost 60,000 fans turned out for last Friday's games, including the showpiece meeting of Tottenham and Barcelona. They were less forthcoming, however, about the crowd for Sunday's underwhelming line-up of Barcelona Reserves v Al Ahly and Spurs against Celtic, which played out to vast swathes of empty seats. The attendance was not announced at the stadium and a request for the information from this column fell on deaf ears. Then again, we could hardly blame the fans for staying away. With many tickets priced at almost £60 and most of London Transport at a standstill due to engineering works on Sunday, the couch must never have looked so inviting for White Hart Lane regulars.

The Lord's strip takes on a new meaning

There were some red faces among the MCC membership after last Saturday's Friends Provident Trophy final, and for once it wasn't just because of one too many G&Ts in the pavilion. Members emerging onto Wellington Road were greeted by the decidedly improper sight of scantily clad glamour models handing out VIP passes for strip club chain Spearmint Rhino. It's enough to make your bacon and egg bow tie spin.

Ponting sick as a pig over missed chance

Ricky Ponting's ability to catch might be in serious doubt following his butter-fingered display at Lord's, but there are no such problems among the Aussie press pack.

One of their number, the Herald Sun's Ben Dorries, has been kept in quarantine by Cricket Australia ever since he came down with swine flu last week. The hack was barred from talking to players at their Kensington hotel and stayed away from their last tour match, although he is expected to take his place in the Edgbaston press box on Thursday.

Meanwhile, there is apparently no truth in the rumour that Ponting was keen for Dorries to conduct a lengthy, face-to-face interview with Mitchell Johnson from his sick-bed.

It's wasted to waisted for the Wild Thing

Most inappropriate product endorsement of the week: porky US golfer John Daly and Druh Belts & Buckles — and not just because there surely hasn't been a belt made that can even come close to fitting around the Wild Thing's vast waistline. We must also question why the American firm didn't approach Tom Watson. After his final-day performance at The Open, surely they should have learned that nobody buckles more spectacularly than the veteran swinger?