Jordan's words come back to haunt him

We doubt Simon Jordan ever truly regrets saying anything.

But the Crystal Palace chairman might wish he had chosen his words slightly more carefully in an interview with The Surrey Comet in June when he discussed how he came to fund the art-house movie Telstar.

"I was at my desk at Crystal Palace desperately trying to avoid signing cheques and I decided to write an even bigger one for this film," he recalled.

Turns out he wasn't joking: Jordan's failure to sign those aforementioned cheques for the players Palace released at the end of last season prompted the Football League to impose a transfer embargo on the club this week.

Now nobody at Selhurst Park will be doing any kind of signing.

Mikel mobile may not be such a good call

Samsung's attempt to crack the Nigerian market has led the electronics giant - and Chelsea club sponsor - to name their latest mobile phone after John Obi Mikel.

The new gizmo is said to have been built in the image of the Blues midfielder, so expect a phone where the remarkably long-lasting energy levels and versatility still cannot explain the ludicrously inflated price-tag and conspicuous lack of any flash features.

Pint-sized problem is a real worry for Bernie

Far be it for us not to take Bernie Ecclestone at his word, but could there be more to the Formula One supremo's aversion to Britain holding a grand prix than meets the eye?

Ecclestone has consistently claimed that cold hard cash and the lack of facilities was behind his decision to axe Silverstone, points which have also cast doubt over Donnington's ability to take over the contract next year.

But maybe there is more home-spun reason for Bernie's reluctance to spend more time in England: the closure of his favourite London pub.

The Swag and Tails in Knightsbridge was recently forced to close its doors due to complaints from neighbours over excessive noise, leaving Ecclestone - who was regularly to be found tucking into the pub's famed roast chicken at lunchtime - searching for a new boozer.

A right old carry on as Babs meets Wenger

Oh to be a fly on the wall at the launch of Arsenal's charity of the season at Great Ormond Street hospital this afternoon.

We can only dream of the kind of small-talk which Arsene Wenger and the club's guest of honour, Barbara Windsor, will come up with.

Babs might be a lifelong Gooner but we're pretty certain Msr Wenger doesn't keep up to speed with events in Albert Square.

Anyway, the Gunners' PR department seem to have missed a trick with their publicity of the event: 'Be A Gooner, Be A Giver' is all well and good, but surely 'Carry On Up The Arse' would have been more eye-catching?