Ugly truth of Shearer's first Ade for City star

Whatever the eventual fallout for Emmanuel Adebayor, his lively performance on Saturday gives rise to unprecedented tension on Match of the Day.

"It's an ugly incident," remarked Alan Shearer, whose gift for stating the bleeding obvious survives his time mismanaging Newcastle, of that wicked stamp.

"Well," replied Gary Lineker, "We've all overreacted after scoring goals and kicked people in the head."

He was referring to how Shearer apparently planted his boot in the face of Leicester's Neil Lennon shortly before the 1998 World Cup - a more blatant offence than Adebayor's but one of which the then England captain was cleared after the Football Association claimed to discover a secret Sky camera angle never broadcast to this day.

Perhaps a similar discovery will rescue the Manchester City star but if not Shearer could appear in his defence and explain how any number of cameras can lie.

Lawro's own sofa is the best place for him

Mark Lawrenson was an absentee from the MOTD sofa on Saturday, and in the nicest way this came as a relief. Judging by his score predictions, he needs the break.

On the BBC website, the self-styled laureate of footballing mirth touchingly foresaw that Spurs and Manchester United would draw 1-1. In Saturday's Daily Mirror, meanwhile, he plumped confidently for 2-2. If exhaustion through overwork explains for this short-term memory loss, we advise a long break (no less than 20 years) from all media work.

Then again, perhaps he was paying a coded tribute to his idol Oscar Wilde, who dismissed consistency as “the last refuge of the unimaginative”. Very hard to call.

Official puts her foot in it to cause Serena row

Allegedly-misplaced feet proved quite the weekend motif. A few hours after the Adebayor outrage, Serena Williams was (wrongly) foot-faulted in the US Open semi-final, giving Kim Clijsters a match point she didn't need to win since Serena was then docked the point for informing the relevant lineswoman of her desire to thrust the ball “down your f****** throat”. Look on YouTube and you'll agree that Serena was remarkably restrained.

Rumours that Tom Henning Ovrebo, the blind Norwegian who refereed Chelsea's Champions League semi with Barcelona, has received extensive plastic surgery and emerged in the guise of a small, bespectacled Asian-American woman, remain unconfirmed.

Argentine destroyer shows his lighter side

As for tonight's men's finalist Juan Martin del Potro, the oldest-looking 20-year-old in the world unveiled a cute line in irony after annihilating Rafa Nadal in yesterday's semi.

A lot of people will be disappointed, the on-court interviewer told him, not to have another Rafa-Fed final. “Yes,” said the Argentine bulldozer bashfully as he looked towards the crowd. “I'm sorry.”

Del Potro is the image of Addams Family manservant Lurch, but spare a thought for yesterday's Italian Grand Prix winner Rubens Barrichello. From a distance, he's the absolute spit of Bobby Davro.