Morning:
9°c
Confused by algebra but Coles don't add up
In one of those surveys PR firms put out in the hope of cheap publicity of the sort provided here, confused.com releases a list of the 50 most confusing things about modern life, and to its credit sport is represented thrice. Football's offside rule is number 11, with the laws of cricket at number eight. The victor ludorum, however, is the question that screams from the telly every Saturday night, and whispers throughout the rest of the week. The fourth most confusing thing about life today, ladies and gentleman, is: "Why Cheryl Cole is still with Ashley." Its failure to reach the top spot does credit to the impenetrability of "What women see in Russell Brand", "Algebra" and "Foreign call centres". But congrats to Ashley all the same, and the usual commiserations to Cheryl.
Now it's open season for Terry pet names
I hope this one makes it into any future survey, because I'm richly confused by Carlo Ancelotti's feelings for John Terry. Revealing his gentler side to Gazetta dello Sport, Ancelotti says that the Chelsea captain has affected him. “Yes,” he said, “Terry is my pet.” Aaahh, the sweetness. What kind was left unsaid and, while a bulldog seems favourite, it would be lunacy to rule out something big and fluffy like a labradoodle, or a Portuguese water dog on the lines of Bo Obama. Having had time to analyse JT's linguistic skills, in fact, the Italian might even have a budgie in mind. We may never know the truth of it. The important thing is that fans of rival clubs are made aware of the quote, and prepare their chants accordingly.
Froch makes a stand against BBC no-show
Not since Reuben Hurricane' Carter went down for “somethin' that he never duuhhn” has a boxer become embroiled in such a stirring fight for justice. Self-effacing super-middleweight champ Carl I'd have whupped Hagler's butt' Froch refuses to pay the BBC licence fee. He isn't the first to make the stand — featherweight Gentleman' Charles Moore blazed this trial — but he does have the noblest cause . . . the BBC's failure to screen tomorrow's bout with Andre Dirrell. “If they don't want to put me and boxing on the screens,” Carl told the Daily Mail, “then they know where to poke it” (his licence fee demand). If Bob Dylan doesn't do the ballad, perhaps Billy Bragg will.
Haye kicks up a stink
Meanwhile, David Haye prepares for his next bout with some pithy thoughts about World Boxing Association heavyweight champion Nikolay Valuev. If the 7ft Russian hears about it, David could face quite a trial in Nuremberg on 7 November because he has tended towards the personal: first about Valuev's “really hairy chest . . . matted and disgusting” and then about his hygiene. “The word around the camp fire is that he doesn't smell too sweet . . . I've talked to guys who've been in the ring with him, and they
say that's the first thing they notice, just the stench.” David insists that he always fights better “when my opponent's angry.” God willing he's right about that.
