If ever a Hollywood studio decides to dramatise the invasion of Baghdad, the casting director should consider Robbie Keane for a cameo. The Tottenham captain's eve of north London battle analysis hints that, with a little voice coaching and a lot of prosthetics, the bumptious little fella could make a fine Comical Ali.
As events at Emirates Stadium proved, Keane's reading of the respective strengths of the two squads tended towards the rosy.
There was that same old inevitability about the proceedings once Tottenham opened the defensive gates and merrily waved those Gunners through.
From that point forth, the one salient question was how much pillaging and plundering the victors would inflict on the vanquished.
That Spurs were so complicit in their downfall, presenting all three goals to Arsenal on silver platters, told a tale of the inferiority complex that plagues them still.
Even when they were useless, Manchester City beat United now and again, while Everton, at their relegation-dodging worst, regularly reminded Liverpool of the cliche that form has no bearing on a big city derby.
Tottenham, alas, are rigid believers that the form guide always rules . . . and thanks in large part to this self-fulfilling pessimism, it always does.
Specific faults helped them extend the failure to beat Arsenal to an impressive 20 Premier League games.
Ledley King's suicidal defending, that absurd second goal moments after the first, Tom Huddlestone's impersonation of an oak tree in central midfield, the dearth of any attacking intent other than finding Peter Crouch's head (a tactic technically known as lump-it-up-to-Crouchy, borrowed from Steve McClaren's England) . . . these inadequacies and others played their part in their embarrassing downfall.
Ultimately, though, Spurs were undone by the secret conviction that they don't really belong on the same pitch as an Arsene Wenger side. No one should be fooled, as Harry Redknapp later pretended to be, by the stalemate that endured for 42 minutes.
Mediocre teams are often adept at stifling the creativity of a good one and Spurs adroitly rendered the game anaemic for a while.
The twin transfusions that followed were so indecent in their haste that the Sky Sports director was still dwelling on replays of the first, jointly gifted to Robin van Persie by King and Heurelho Gomes, while Cesc Fabregas was waltzing through for the second.
The goal reminded me of the movie Paper Lion in which a bunch of gridiron pros fulfil Alan Alda's long-cherished fantasy by letting him score a 50-yard touchdown with a series of deliberately and hilariously mistimed tackles.
Harry wasn't laughing but he might as well have been for all the effect of the tirade he presumably unleashed in the interval.
No match in which Arsenal lead by two goals can glibly be dismissed as over, as West Ham discovered eight days ago, because Wenger's outfit have that talent for succumbing to blind panic when such a lead is halved.
Unlike the Hammers, however, Spurs lacked the balls, urgency, commitment, skill, passion, fight, tactics, courage and confidence to threaten a revival.
Apart from that little lot, they had it all on Saturday. By the time Comical Robbie departed to spend more time with his Lee Strasberg guide to the Method, shortly after the hour, the sole point of interest was how many Arsenal would clock up in the match.
In the event they showed clemency by way of some lame finishing. Even the third goal, supplied to Van Persie by the King-Gomes Kamikaze squadron after their team-mates succumbed to mass amnesia over the old rule about playing to the whistle — wasn't adequate punishment for Spurs.
Unusually, though, the scoreline flattered both teams.
Despite a virtuoso conducting display from Fabregas and Van Persie's sharpness and wit, they were very far from their one-touch, quicksilver best, and never looked like potential champions despite the easy win. Then again they never needed to against a Spurs team risible in defence, clueless in midfield and non-existent in attack — they really were that awful.
Lacklustre, bamboozled and hopelessly static (on rare sorties into areas of danger, no one was running off the ball), the performance was too abysmal to be explained away by the absences of Luka Modric, Aaron Lennon and Jermain Defoe. And so, following heavy defeats to Chelsea and Manchester United, Tottenham's ambition to invade Big Four ground was brutally exposed again as naive fantasy.
Every win this season, apart from the increasingly devalued opener against Liverpool, have come against weak opposition, with all three away victories at bottom three clubs.
The term “flat-track bully” might seem apt but for the recent home loss to Stoke. The last time Tottenham talked openly of supplanting Arsenal in the Premier League, in May 2006 when a final day victory at Upton Park would have edged the old enemy out of fourth place, it ended with the legendary lasagne fiasco.
This time there is no hotel chef to scapegoat, and the question posed by their lily-livered capitulation concerns not how far Tottenham have progressed under Redknapp, but how far they've regressed since the comparative glory days of Martin Jol.
Reader views (35)
I was in Block 81 on Saturday and you gooners say it was a good atmosphere ?!?! Better atmosphere at the Preston, Doncaster and Hull away games this season.
- Ken B, Waltham Cross
"I've been to Highbury and Emirates and you guys leave early win lose or draw. Didn't Henry say how dissappointed he was to see supporters leave so early?
I've seen it with my own eyes the "gooners" leave in their thousands around the 80th minute. Before you start throwing mud, you shuld look at your own club.
Maybe the "gooners" are to busy readin the Times?
- Mike Patton, London"
Come on Mike - big difference btw home and away fans. Away fans are meant to be there till the end and spurs away fans are the worst for heading to the turnstiles when things are not going their way. I don't know what it is - delusions of grandeur perhaps, but you would have thought they would be used to losing by now and take it in good spirit like the rest of the mid to low table sides.
- Mac, Highbury
Ramalang - Take VP and Cesc out and maybe Arshavin would have stepped up to the plate. Or maybe if eduardo was fully fit he would have taken his chances or (if fit)maybe Nasri would have scored a couple as he did against the Mancs last year or maybe we would go on an unbeaten run without VP and Cesc like we did last year.... It's all if's and buts mate and much as I appreciate both players you had missing are good, one man(or two men) doesn't make a team. Don't forget you are supposed to have a decent squad. Your problem on the day was that Redknapp sent his team out to negate Arsenals play which you managed for 40 minutes. But you didn't create and went for the easy long ball option up to Crouch which didn't work. Once we were ahead you were unable or unwilling to change your style of play and although I personally think we weren't that good, 3-0 still flattered you.
Adam - London, you were obviously in the spurs end as I can assure you it was rocking in the rest of the stadium or does it hurt that on the odd occasion that we do make a decent atmosphere at our ground that you have to make out as if we didn't? Sorry mate that won't wash, just accept that occasionally we will get behind our team and that you will be a little quieter than you were, say against Chelsea away.
- Carlosthegooner, Enfield
So you beat a below-par, under strength Tottenham side, that gifted you 3 goals, well done !!! Looking forward to the return.
- Paxton, N17
I am curious by those who suggest that the emirates empties regularly before the end of every game. In the area that I sit there is one guy who always without fail leaves 10 mins before the end, but is castigated by others around us.
Other than that, I don't see many people leaving from where I am nor typically elsewhere either. You will always get a flurry when the team is 4 or 5 up with 10 mins to go and it is obvious that they away team have shut up shop and Arsenal are just going through the motions. And there are always some, like the guy near me, who will leave rain or shine regardless of the state of the game at that time.
The only time when I can remember it being a real easy journey out of the ground at the final whistle was the CL game last year against Man U. There certainly there were a lot of early departures, probably mostly out of disgust that the team did not even put in half the effort that the fans had done that night. That is no excuse and those of us that stayed applauded the Man U team off the pitch at the end for their impressive performance.
No team's fans are perfect and I am sure, after 20 years of going to home games, that the typical Arsenal fan has changed during that time. To be honest, I can't blame the Spurs fans for leaving in the same way I could not blame those who left the Emirates when Man U went 2-0 up, but credit should go to those that stayed to the end.
- Simon, Berkhamsted, Herts
I was at the game on Saturday and couldn't beleive Tottenham's tactics. We could have played our youth team and they still would have played the same and we still would have won.
I thought the boring long ball game was dead but apparently not. If that's Harry Redknapp's plan 'B'when youv'e got a few injuries, I'd be worried if I were a Spurs supporter. They were pathetic. Iv'e said before that if Arsene Wenger lets a player leave, there's a very good reason.Youv'e bought Bentley, a one trick pony. Need I say more.
You need an Arsene Wenger, but's there only one and he's ours. Harry's done a brilliant job since he joined, but that's all your'e going to get. He won't get you above 6th place,in my opinion. I'm trying to be objective and not gloat. I did that over the weekend. Arsenal are a fair way behind Chelsea at the moment and i think they will run away with the league.
- Ray Mummery, London England
Ramalamadingdong, Broxbourne
Are you kidding me? Us Arsenal fans would happily forget all about you lot.
It's the Spurs fans who are constantly having a "pop" at Arsenal. There isn't an Arsenal related article on this site that doesn't immediately have the Spuds fans rolling out comments with the same old tripe. It's become incredibly tiresome, I can tell you.
So, if you can't take it Spurs fans, then don't dish it out in the first place.
- Steven, London
THE fans of the little club in East London are mighty quick to comment about the Spurs as usual,should they be more concerned that their own mess is heading for the championship and with a huge debt around their necks and their only real asset is a 29 year old centre half..
i think any REALISTIC Spurs fan knows we were poor saturday as we were versus Stoke the week before,no cutting edge,no pace and sloppy mistakes,up until then the Gooners were ordinary, all they won in the end was 3 POINTS,come the end of the season they will be trophyless again,as i believe Utd Chelsea are well ahead and with by FAR the greater squads.
after last seasons shambles i would take a top 6 place no problem.
As for Rob Hotspur i bet he loves the fact we have lost 2 in a row,he has been quiet lately and must be gutted we have picked up 19 pts,dare i say not against top opposition..revel in your moment Rob..we might upset you and win our next game
- Tom, north herts
Reality check for Tottenham, maybe red-faced Harry & Robbie will learn to show respect to their North London neighbours. I can honestly say that was the worst display by a Tottenham side against Arsenal that I can ever recall. Tottenham's formation was poor, they were totally paceless & they were strangely devoid of spirit.
- Rob Gooner, North London
Arsenal may have looked ordinary for 42 minutes which was fortunate for sorry Spurs as if they had played as normal there would have been many more goals.A fair result over the 90 mins would have been 7 - 0.
- G.Diamond, Romford Essex
You rarely hear a Gooner these days unless it is some "pop" at Spurs. Let us try and bring a semblence of realsim to this debate. First, for 42 minutes Arsenal looked very ordinary for a top 4 side.
Second, defensive lapses were Spurs' downfall, not anything creative by Arsenal. Spurs were woeful in midfield and as a consequence offered nothing up front. On the other hand take Fabregas and van Persie out of the Arsenal side, as Spurs had to contend with in Modric and Defoe being unavailable, and I wonder what you would see then?
I accept Spurs were bad but if that is what we were it doesn't say much for the Arsenal. They might win the Carling Cup this season but as for the title, forget it.
- Ramalamadingdong, Broxbourne
I was at the match on Sat and could not believe that about half of spurs contingent had left before the final whistle - call yourself fans? All this after singing songs questioning the Arsenal support (you know the one). Risable. Both fans and players lack commitment.
- Mac, Highbury
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I've been to Highbury and Emirates and you guys leave early win lose or draw. Didn't Henry say how dissappointed he was to see supporters leave so early?
I've seen it with my own eyes the "gooners" leave in their thousands around the 80th minute. Before you start throwing mud, you shuld look at your own club.
Maybe the "gooners" are to busy readin the Times?
Oh, and to see the Hammers fans, I would worry about relegation this season as well as yoyur massive debt.
- Mike Patton, London
WE were rubbish. No one seemed to have a clue... Placios was slow and hud was ever slower...
Long balls to crouch will NEVER work and are a complete waste of time. We had nothing...
The only players that played well for me where gomez and carluca, the rest didn't get off the coach.
I don't mind getting beat but not without putting up a good fight.
Well done Arsenal....
- Mark, St Albans
Well, god knows why, Robbie Keane,opended his mouth, like his defence, wide open!
Said all along, we never needed Crouch, Pav, is much better than him, Crouch can't even get int the england 1st team, why 8 million pounds.
Clearly, we need a quality central midfielder..
playibng 4-3-3, harry you must have the right players for tha, we never.
Blame Defoe for getting sent off the other week.
Poor Old Roman, better than Crouch, but harry prefers Crouch and he has messed up where we play!
- Adrian, london
Excellent headline for an interesting article. I too was at the game on Saturday and the Arsenal won at a canter without even getting out of 2nd gear. Thank-you Robbie Keane (a reject at a Big 4 club) and Peter Crouch (another Big 4 reject)for motivating the Gunners both on and off the pitch. And as for the so-called Spurs support (you know the most fickle fans in London) SHAME on you for deserting yr team in droves well before the final whistle. Once again you proved that Spurs are the club of the white shirts and white flags of abject surrender. Back to the drawing board Harry
Twenty premier games unbeaten, 10 years of Premier dominance...what recession?! Thank-you Mr Wenger, Captain Cesc and the team...Up the Gunners.
- Sean, Cork, Ireland.
A abismal display of football by a Spurs team that had no guts,or determinationor desire, not even a forward line to have a go at Arsenal. Spurs are at least four players short of trying to qualify for the champions league. Huddlestone, Keane, Pavlyuchenko, Crouch, Bentley are a complete waste of time. It is about time Mr Levy got his act together with proper transfer targets that can take us to the next level. Twenty league games and have not beat the gooners an absolute disgrace.
- Paul, london england
god how robbie keane was wrong saying spurs are on par with arsenal.fabregas was class,huddlestone was a joke and typically spurs fans go on about qualifying for the champions league (they can dream)they've only beaten the bottom three and birmingham and burnley,but a credible win against the poor mickey mousers.us fans at the bridge are wetting ourselves with laughter.top 4,they should be on extras,they're having a laugh
- Danny Mcallister, helsinki,finland
god how robbie keane was wrong saying spurs are on par with arsenal.fabregas was class,huddlestone was a joke and typically spurs fans go on about qualifying for the champions league (they can dream)they've only beaten the bottom three and birmingham and burnley,but a credible win against the poor mickey mousers.us fans at the bridge are wetting ourselves with laughter.top 4,they should be on extras,they're having a laugh
- Danny Mcallister, helsinki,finland
I had my first visit to the Emerates on Saturday, and outside of the first 10 minutes and the three goals there was zero atmosphere in the stadium - induced by boring play on the field. It seemed that there was too much 'respect' and not enough flair.
Spurs should be concerned that the match lacked the passion a derby should have.
- Adam, London
"Unlike the Hammers, however, Spurs lacked the balls, urgency, commitment, skill, passion, fight, tactics, courage and confidence to threaten a revival."
And that coming from a Big Club tm fan.
Thank you Matthew Norman. A sane man in an entire club of nonsense.
- Stu, Beckton
What is the difference between Robbie Keane shouting his mouth off and Arsene Wenger brainwashing the supporters (& media) every pre-season about how they are going to win a trophy this year....this year....this year.....this year.... this year......Everybody, get a sense of perspective. It's just one game in a long thirty eight game season.
- Mark Gooner, Highbury Square
Am I the only one to be miffed at the reports of the Fabregas goal. They all concentrate on how poor the Spurs defending was, with nowhere near enough appreciation of what a fantastic goal it was. To be honest I did not know Cesc had that turn of speed in him, but the dribbling round three Spurs defending and the clinical finish makes it goal of the season so far for me.
What a pity that Eduardo seems to be lacking his usual sharpness right now, he should have put both his 1 on 1 chances away. Ramsey too showed his inexperience when fluffing his late opening.
It should rightly have been 6-0, then a top-4 finish ambition for Spurs would really have looked the joke it plainly is
- Clockendjim, Chichester UK
Bet 'Arry & Robbie 'the club I supported as boy' wish they'd kept their traps shut now. Oh well at least they'll have a news stadium to not fill & empty out early of soon. Won't even make the top six - FACT
- Jk, UK
*Applause*
So where, exactly, are the usual Big Club tm fans on here today then?? All of a sudden it's just the realists. Where on earth are the usual contingent with their delusional nonsensical claims of "gatecrashing the big four"?
Well done Matthew Norman for finally putting into print what everyone else has known (and been saying on here) for years.
As for having a plan "B", Steve, get used to it...seriously...
- Stu, Beckton
I am not so worried about the missing Defoe, Lennon and Modric, they will come back and they are genuine class players. I am more worried about relying on unreliables such as Gomes and King. Cuducini needs to go in goal and a wide search conducted before January for two decent centre halves and a strong, creative, mobile central midfield general all to be signed once the transfer window opens. As for having no left sided midfield player? Why was O'Hara given a new contract then sent to Portsmouth? Ridiculous ! We should have given them Bale and Bentley for free!
- Jeff Gregory, Australia
I wonder if Redknapp still thinks Arsenal are there for the taking,I suppose the excuse is Modric, Lennon & Defoe not playing is the excuse but they have been boasting about the depth they have in their squad.
- Peter, Essex
That is simply the best, most accurate headline I have read in a long, long time
- Joe, Romford
A pathetic display but unfortunately all to predictable by Spurs. It was a gutless and spineless display and we were lucky not to lose 4 or 5 nil.
Redknapps plan B is shocking, these hit and hope long balls to Crouch doesnt work as was proved against Stoke. No left Midfield yet we had Kranjcar and Bale on the bench....it beggars belief!!
King was hopeless and we should start thinking about a more permanent replacement cos rotating the defence to accomodate him is doing no-one any good.
Huddlestone was poor like he was against Stoke, Bentley, well he's just Bentley and we know what to expect from him. As for Keane, well if Harry persists with starting Keane and technically starting games with only 10 men then we will struggle for top 6.
Starting Crouch encourages others to hoof hopeless balls to him and that's no fault of Crouch so for our next 2 games (both at home) against Sunderland and Wigan i would try abd reignite a Defoe/Pav partnership up front. Afterall they done well last season before Defoe's injury so i see no reason why they cant get it on again.
SORT IT OUT HARY COS YOUR PLAN B IS POOR!!
- Steve, Medway,England
The vast gulf between Arsenal Football Club and Spurs was underlined on Saturday, how their supporters and certain players have got the front to say the two squads are on a level footing is laughable,Arsenal are and will be for the foreseeable future top dogs in NORTH LONDON.As an Arsenal supporter it was a joy to watch Cesc round four Spurs players and their two bob keeper and score the goal of the season.Comments from an overweight Robbie Keane only served to fire up our young guns and I applaud his help in firing up the young Gunners,Spurs were lucky it was only 3,it could have been a lot worse.I would say that Spurs are at least 5 years behind Arsenal maybe more.
- Jim Ex Pat,Islington N1, thailand
As a ARSENAL supporter since 1953 (and have hardly missed a home game since then) and at the game on Saturday I was very disapointed in Tottenhams display usually they put up some kind of fight in Derbys Im sorry to say the only worthwhile shot they had was from Bentleys freekick. Unless they spend a lot more money I cant see them in the top 6. Perhaps Im one of the few people at the game who can remember Tottenham winning the league 48 years ago. Please Robbie Keane engage your brain before talking and Harry the games over 90 minutes not 42 while you have everyone in defence.
- Tony Passmore, Battersea London
People who believe Spurs are a top 4 side are delusional. I am a spurs fan and it gets on my nerves when people start shooting their mouths off about us breaking into the top 4. We are one of the teams that have the potential to do it, as do Manchester City, Villa etc but that's just potential and from recent history it is more likely that Man Utd, Chelsea will continue to dominate with Arsenal and Liverpool close behind. Following that 4 it could be anyone. There's a big gap in the quality of the Champs League's squads compared with the rest. This article is a cheap swipe but hard to counter when Robbie Keane gives so much ammunition. Why can't Spurs just quietly get on with the job?!
- James, London, Maida Vale
Great piece as per usual by Matthew Norman.
Sorry Mac but at 3-0 I thought the 1/2 that were left done well to stay! Have a look around you at the Emirates next time we lose at home or even with 5 minutes to go when we are winning. Much as Spurs are the enemy I think the crowds they get show a great and sometimes undeserved loyalty to Spurs, although the blind optimism (spoken about by Rob Hotspurs) I always find both amazing and amusing in equal amounts.
- Carlosthegooner, Enfield
Arsenal have only won one game this season against the top seven - all of the other wins have been against mediocre mid-table sides (Blackburn, Fulham, Birmingham et al). Talk of winning of the title is a little premature until this is rectified accordingly. I'm also disappointed that our fans continually leave the stadium on 75 minutes whatever the result. Why is it that the only time our fans create any atmosphere in the stadium it is against our neighbours. Still, even if we don't win anything again this year we're safe in the knowledge that we play the best football in the solar system.
- Mark Gooner, Woolwich
I stated before the season started, that despite the optimism, we would do well to finish in the top six, rather than the top four. As usual I was castigated by fellow Tottenham fans. So far we have lost to Man Utd, Chelsea & Arsenal, proving my point. We have won six matches, beating the current bottom three, lowly Birmingham & Burnley. The other win being against a stuttering Liverpool. Against Arsenal, without the pace of Modric, Lennon & Defoe we look pedestrian. Unfortunatley, Harry tried a 4-3-3 formation which appeared to confuse us. Gomes made excellent saves, but his hadling for two of the goals was dreadful. Ledley looked like a player who doesnt train. I feel once we have the three quick players back we will go on to finish 6th. Hopefully, fellow Tottenham fans will now agree with me that we do live in a fantasy world & must be more realistic, in order to avoid dissapointment.
- Rob Hotspurs, South London
I was at the match on Sat and could not believe that about half of spurs contingent had left before the final whistle - call yourself fans? All this after singing songs questioning the Arsenal support (you know the one). Risable. Both fans and players lack commitment.
- Mac, Highbury
Tonight:
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