Afternoon:
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When my English husband phoned his mum to tell her he was marrying me - an Asian, Muslim divorcee with a 10-year-old son - after a long silence she replied nervously: "That's nice. Oh dear, I hope I don't say the wrong thing to her. I have never met anyone who is divorced."
That was in 1988 when divorce rates were rising but most Britons still believed marriage was forever. My mother-in-law has since then witnessed multiple divorces and marriages in her own extended family.
Research commissioned by the Centre for Separated Families reveals that more than 20 million Britons are directly affected by marital break-ups. My mother-in-law is now one of them, so are my children, 38 of their mates, countless friends, 18 near relatives and four neighbours.
When in 1987, my first husband left me and our son, there was such an upsurge of divorces among the metropolitan middle classes it felt like an epidemic. Divorce really is the only way out for people trapped in hellish marriages or where there is no compatibility. But people were separating for the most frivolous, selfish reasons. The dear departing asked: "Why so much drama? Everyone is doing it." And everyone was.
Close friends I went weeping to were, a few weeks later, announcing that they, too, were being dumped or had decided to "find themselves" by cutting loose from their marriages. Self-gratification was the only imperative and everyone else had to adjust, including bewildered and heart-broken sons and daughters.
As we reached one of the highest divorce rates in the world, campaigners, therapists, policy makers and legal intermediaries attempted to make separation easier and more civilised "for the sake of the children".
They never asked why those pushing to get fast and easy divorces weren't stopping themselves "for the sake of the children". Thankfully, today's parents appear less casual and more committed - there are few divorced couples among the parents of my daughter's year group and over the past three years divorce rates have fallen to the lowest level since 1984.
However, public policy and debates still focus on postdivorce arrangements and say nothing about prevention. Claire Tyler, the head of Relate, says: "Separating parents deserve better access to emotional support to help them and their children come to terms with the end of the relationship."
I disagree. Splitting adults need to hear that their choice will emotionally devastate their kids, their own parents and others. A dose of that bitter reality may bring wisdom and forethought before we leap so readily to seek solutions in divorce.
