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Fireman sperm donor to fight CSA
Sophie Goodchild, Evening Standard3 Dec 2007
A London man who donated sperm to a lesbian couple is being made to pay child support, the Standard reveals today.
Andy Bathie, 37, a firefighter from Enfield, agreed to help Sharon and Terri Arnold after they assured him he would have no involvement in the children's upbringing and no financial commitment.
But he is now having his pay docked to pay thousands of pounds in child maintenance even though he has no legal rights over the boy and girl the couple had. He says the payments mean he and his wife cannot afford to have children of their own.
Mr Bathie, from Enfield, said: "These women wanted to be parents and take on all the responsibilities that brings. I would never have agreed to this unless they had been living as a committed family. And now I can't afford to have children with my own wife - it's crippling me financially."
He is now bringing an unprecedented legal challenge so that he is not recognised as a legal parent to the children.
Mr Bathie was approached by the couple five years ago after they were "married" in a ceremony. They had unsuccessfully asked other male friends.
He said: "I did look into the legal side and understood that as a couple they would be the parents, not me. I was never Daddy."
He was stunned when the Child Support Agency contacted him last November to demand payments because the women had split up.
Officials made him take a £400 paternity test and began docking his pay.
Mr Bathie added: "The only reason these children are here is because they wanted children as a couple which means they should take responsibility. The CSA admit that mine is an unusual case - this is double standards and I'm having money stolen by the Government."
At the time of the donation, Mr Bathie was in a relationship with a woman who had been sterilised and was not planning to have children. He has since married someone else.
The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority is now warning "DIY" donors they are liable financially unless they donate through a licensed clinic. The HFEA said: "We would warn men providing genetic material that the only time they are not the father is when they donate through a licensed fertility clinic. This does not apply to unlicensed websites or home insemination."
Lawyers say an increasing number of men are seeking legal advice after being approached by lesbian couples desperate to conceive but who cannot afford clinic costs.
Ministers have drawn up fertility reforms giving equal parenting rights to same-sex couples who "marry" in a civil partnership. This means they will now be recognised as the legal parents of children they conceive through sperm donation.
This change comes too late for Mr Bathie, who has only met the children, now aged two and four, a couple of times.
He is now pushing for an amendment to make the laws retrospective.
Sharon and Terri Arnold were not available for comment.
Reader views (19)
A deal is a deal and the lesbians brake it, they should have warned him of the monetary consequences of seeing the babies and after that then demand money...sorry about my english.
- Javs Ibma, london, 04/12/2008 17:36
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These women are on support, plus they can now collect a constant healthy check from the sperm donor? You have to be joking. What a cheek. Why should a decent hard-working guy have to suddenly be ordered to carry this financial burden? Who will want to volunteer any more if the goalposts can be moved? It's disgusting.
- Piers, London, 10/01/2008 14:43
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These women are going to destroy the chances of hundreds of others who wish to conceive with donor sperm. It's disgusting.
- Maggie, Chichester, 12/12/2007 11:22
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According to later reports, Mr Bathie had arranged to be "Uncle Andy" but changed his mind after the birth of his first child (the daughter). The mother has cards and presents signed from "daddy" and even looked after her for a weekend every month, referring to himself as her "daddy" too.
He even agreed to be a donor for the second child (the son) but shortly after the boy was born and diagnosed with a digestive disorder, Mr Bathie decided that he didn't want anything more to do with the boy and continued seeing the girl (presumably because she needed less looking after?) until that finally stopped too.
Now he's trying to wipe all of that responsibility from his past but children don't forget that easily. The only two people that have been both innocent and unfairly treated in this matter are the two children. Blaming the situation on a "unstable" lesbian relationship just smacks of callousness. The actions of the mother are also desperate (although the CSA has a big hand in forcing her to disclose the father's name - I know several people who have had to make that same, unwanted, decision).
The fault lies not with gay relationships, rather with the self-obsessed actions of all the paries involved. Gay couples split up just like straight ones do. Trying to avoid your own responsibilities seems equally applicable to gay or straight people.
- Mark, Southend-on-Sea, Essex, UK, 05/12/2007 10:38
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Csa the most upsetting and ruthless system ever designed to crush the working man who cannot afford to hire a world class lawyer.
I never missed a payment in 5 five years, they take 'arrears' every month for something they cant explain, I have insisted on home visits by the csa to sort this out, but they forget the moment they leave. My ex illegally claimed family tax credits a year after she left me using wage slips she stole from my home, now after the tax credit disaster the government now says I have to pay back the money she claimed falsely (while living with her new man).
She won't let me see my son, or tell me where he lives. All I have through all this is a £350 monthly hole in my bank (more than my mortgage). My wife and I struggle financially and we too cannot afford kids. I feel very bitter, all I did was build a family, but when my ex fancied a change, she took it with her and I have to pay for the privilege of being dumped, and I even have to watch her wet-behind-the-ears boyfriend tell my son I am not his dad.
- Michael, Sunderland, 04/12/2007 19:17
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Dont bother fighting the CSA. They change the rules when they lose. I won at the appeals tribunaral, trying to keep enough money for my anti-cancer drugs, respite holiday and to purchase kit to get back into work. They waited a couple of weeks then called my improvement a "change in circumstances" then grabbed it all back. They even wrote to my MP telling him I was ok with that. They make Terrorists look positively nice.
- Dene Wood, Grays, Essex, 04/12/2007 12:00
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Let's face it, we're turning into Americans. Common sense is lost and gone thanks to legislation gone mad, too many lawyers and too few judges that will stand up to this lunacy.
- Maria, london, 04/12/2007 11:08
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He should sue for custody and ask the mother for child support. After all he's in a committed relationship thus offering more family stability.
- Kathleen, Connecticut, USA, 04/12/2007 01:46
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Many infertile couples will lose a chance at having a child if sperm donors, who are assured anonymity, privacy and freedom from financial liability in exchange for providing the opportunity couples to be parents, are messed over. Also, attention gay couples - you want to get legally married - you get what comes with it, divorce and divorce courts. Grow up those of you who are living in Neverland.
- Mary, Pittsburgh, USA, 04/12/2007 00:04
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The moral of this story is: "Don't help anybody, because it will return to bite you" - very sad.
- Casper, London, England, 03/12/2007 23:31
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Just like women they want to have their cake and eat it, why wouldn't he have seen what is kind actions would have resulted in.
- Dave, London, 03/12/2007 23:17
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These women should never have been allowed children. It is not natural. I feel for Mr. Bathie, he is getting robbed.
- Jacqueline, Hampstead, London, 03/12/2007 17:56
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This guy allows them to have the gift of children and this is what they do.. Pathetic..
- Dave, Peabody, MA, 03/12/2007 16:47
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He should have realised beforehand that this could happen. It's the law.
I have little sympathy.
- George, London, 03/12/2007 16:19
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Suzanne, Surrey.
I hate to point out the obvious but this fella isn't getting a ride!
Sorry.
- J J Thoolan, Bristol, 03/12/2007 15:56
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Talk about having your cake and eating it. This - let's face it - gullible bloke does his best by a pair of lesbians who soon as anything split up then he's supposed to cough up for the children? Just how do these women sleep at night - apart from the obvious?
- Squiz, Islington, 03/12/2007 15:48
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A teacher in Sudan gets sent to jail for 2 weeks for nothing and the world goes nuts. This guy gets dumped on by the CSA who seem to employ the same type of unreasonable, petty, beaurocratic and bullying behaviour and you hear nothing.
- Alex, London, 03/12/2007 14:15
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The poor man ... how can the women do that to him? They're just taking him for a ride. Sue them for all they're worth, mate!
- Suzanne, Surrey, 03/12/2007 13:13
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OK, that's it. Enough is enough. Can we totally put a stop to all this nonsensical so-called political correctness, now and forever, in all walks of life? Does anyone remember good old fashioned common sense?
- Martin H. Watson, Teddington, England, 03/12/2007 13:01
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