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The Qualifications and Curriculum Authority is allowing McDonald's to flex its educational muscle by granting the fast-food giant's "basic shift manager" training course the status of an A-level. Naturally, McDonald's is delighted: this is just another marker on its crawl back to respectability and massive profits.
Punched in the gut by the collective hysteria about obesity, and humiliated by the inclusion of "McJob" as a dictionary term, the sultans of salad cream are now cock-a-hoop. The company's "People Manager" says the new qualification proves their commitment to providing their employees with "real opportunities for social mobility". As if. I'll believe that when I'm greeted at the counter by a spotty youth in full ermine robes with four coronets on his lapel badge.
Not that the A-level is the only new dish on the McDonald's pegboard. It has slapped on salads, real coffee and fruit and is running its lorry fleet on recycled chip fat. It has laid on free Wifi for customers, and rustic bread and trained baristas are soon to make their appearance. What with the new sepia-trendy interior decoration you could be forgiven for thinking that Ronald McDonald had grown a goatee, exchanged his clown suit for tan chinos, and moved into an Islington flat.
But don't be deceived: for all the flim-flam, McDonald's is still about piling fatty food high and selling it cheap, and it's still about non-union, short-contract, low-pay employment. How could it be otherwise? To break out of the ghetto the business would have to sacrifice its massive economies of scale and its dependency on enormous crudities of taste. If punters want to get a healthy light meal - say a purposemade sandwich without a fatty filling and with plenty of green stuff - they can get one next door at Subway.
But they don't. They want the hit of sugar, and the belly-filling impact of pounds of ground beef and carbs. They also want to give the kids an affordable treat. I say they - but I don't mean me. Growing up partly in the US, I never had a big snob thing about fast food, and always used to take my kids for the occasional burger. But when one of the toddlers had what can only be described as a hyperglaecemic hysterical fit after supping a McShake, I resolved never to darken their bright doors ever again.
And it's a resolution I intend sticking to. I don't subscribe to the view that the fast food giants are to blame for the obesity pandemic - the causes are manifold. But I do believe that these outfits thrive on social exclusion and economic deprivation; the same conditions that make people feel too worthless and too poor to do anything but stuff their faces. So when the recession bites, it won't be McDonald's that has a stomach empty of profits, because for them it's a zerosum game. You don't need an A-level in basic shift management to figure that one out.
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McDonalds egregiously proclaim on their Irish website that they have made it into the '50 Best Companies to Work for in Ireland' for the second consecutive year. This is no surprise - other big hitters in Ireland such as eBay and Paypal have arranged meetings with their staff to inculcate them with all the good values of the company so they (the staff) complete the 'best companies' questionnaire in a way the company finds acceptable. I find the fact that McDonalds has no union or, frankly, employee protection a way for them to ensure that their staff don't air their grievances and 'do the right thing' for Ronald and Co.
Also, Maccy D's website lauds the fact that they have 40 different nationalities working at McDonald's Restaurants in Ireland - again, no big surprise because the Irish almost unanimously refuse to work in them. A tad hypocritical because the majority of people here still eat the offal they offer.
- John Bracken, Dublin, Ireland
