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Valentine's Day should be a wonderful occasion for single men. Tomorrow we can sigh with relief, watching the enslaved placate their female captors with gifts to ward off nagging and buy the privilege of sleeping in their own beds rather than on the couch.
Women complain that romance is dead - without admitting that they killed it. Duped by glossy magazines and Sex and the City, today's have-itall generation of women don't regard a man's romantic gestures as spontaneous, freely given expressions of love but as tests of obedience and disposable income. Pity the man who hasn't booked an appropriately expensive table tomorrow night or has ordered a too-modest bouquet.
For despite often out-earning men, women still believe a man should spend his money to prove his worth. The last woman I dated posed as an independent diva but was upset I didn't pay for everything when we went out. I told her I didn't have to because I wasn't fat, stupid or sexually incompetent. Throwing money around isn't proof of alphamale suaveness but an admission of inadequacy. Her bluff called, she grudgingly went Dutch.
Yet while attached men will sweat tomorrow over whether they have spent enough, others will mourn being alone. The single male is a figure of ridicule now: a new online comedy, We Need Girlfriends, has become a hit, especially with women, by promoting the stereotype that single men are hapless dorks.
I believe there is a happy medium between being a sad singleton and a cowed partner. I have a thirtysomething friend, "The Democrat", who's mastered the art of modern seduction, always juggling several girlfriends. The trick, he says, isn't romance, but "indifference". He regards all women with the same benign detachment, and dates those who like him, regardless of looks, weight or intelligence. Beautiful women can't resist his disinterested elusiveness; the less attractive are delighted by his attention. Romantic gestures, he says, would ruin his mystique and the relationship. This "democratic" outlook ensures him a more interesting, varied love life than anyone I know.
His life lacks security and the fulfilment of commitment but also its pressures and claustrophobia. And he avoids loneliness. Now that romance is an expensive commodity that men barter for companionship, his way seems more dignified to me than the cheesy offerings of bouquets and chocolates that will be presented tomorrow.
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Mr Democrat must have something to offer to attract all these women. Talent, or good looks or fame perhaps. I don't think many men could attract so many women and lead their love life in such a way, although I'm sure they would like too. I find it a bit worrying that he dates all women who like him, regardless of looks. So his relationships are not only lacking love, romance, commitment, but also possible mutual attraction. That doesn't sound very fulfilling, but I do hear that fat ones are more grateful.
- Kat, uk
I agree with what you say and you say it like it is but why date women who need the setting to be right? Cant you see they're shallow? When going on a date the best part is getting a buzz from whom you're with, not the settings. If a man gave me flowers for Valentines day, even though I like flowers, it would feel contrived and as you say, cheesy. A lot of women like to receive gifts from men on Valentines day so that they can tell their friends about it. As for your friend, you sound like you're putting him on a pedestal cos he's got "everything worked out" but he hasn't, when it comes to relationships no one has! If we don't all have a meaningful relationship that lasts for the duration does it really matter? Erm...I don't think so!
- Cathy, uk
