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I laughed when Lib-Dem leader Nick Clegg admitted to sleeping with "no more than 30" women. Interviewed by Piers Morgan for GQ magazine, he was initially reticent. "How many are we talking," pestered Morgan, "10? 20? 30?" All blokes lie about their sexual tallies: Clegg's ambiguous figure of "no more than 30" sounds to me very much like man-code for "four or five".
Thirty is the figure that rolled off Clegg's tongue because it's the booty-count that he thinks makes a real man. But it does seem rather high: indeed, it will have many men very worried.
Clegg isn't the first politician to induce sexual neurosis in the British public. In 2005, Tony and Cherie Blair joked that they had sex five times a night. "At least," beamed Tony. "I can do more depending on how I feel." Saying that didn't make him look capable and manly; it left me deeply disturbed. Why on earth was he telling us this? And worse, what if it were true?
But Clegg's outburst also reveals how pressured men feel - even ones as successful in their chosen profession as the Lib-Dem leader - to have had a lot of sexual partners. Much of the sex I've had was driven by an immature need to hit a target rather than any feelings for the women I was with. But like all my male friends, I privately wish I'd met the love of my life in adolescence and stuck with her.
We each recall partners we could have had a future with who were discarded just because we thought we should sleep with more people. But casual sex only proved we didn't have what we really wanted: we racked up the numbers to have something to brag about rather than admit our loneliness.
All male competition is sexual. Men don't seek wealth to impress their accountants. And men still judge each other's masculinity by their respective scores. A friend who binged on casual sex after his girlfriend left him for someone else admitted he'd felt other men were laughing at him, and had notched up the bedpost "to feel secure and able to relax".
The only good thing about having had a lot of partners is there is no unfinished business when you settle down. And while some people disapprove of women who've had a lot of men, I'd be happy to be with one. I would trust she knew what was available and had made an informed choice to be with me for the long monogamous haul.
Reader views (4)
You've really surprised me Nirpal. I really didn't think you secretly wish you'd met the love of your life when you were younger and stuck with her. I ve read loads of stuff about you which makes me think you are the opposite of that. I don't think that way myself but I think its quite a nice surprise coming from you.
- Cathy, UK, 03/04/2008 15:26
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Those who sleep with lots of people need to relax a little. Firstly, sleeping with someone you really know and like is so much more interesting and fun, secondly, what is there to gain from sleeping with so many different people? Except maybe the worry of STDs or pregnancy?
Also, Stephen, being independent doesn't automatically equate with sleeping around.
- Maggie, London, 02/04/2008 16:48
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What a load of rubbish. Anyone would think sex was dirty the way you talk, Nirpal. The number of sexual partners a person has in a lifetime has more to do with circumstantial reasons, I'd say. If a person lives an independent lifestyle - whether by choice or not - they are bound to have a higher number of sexual partners than average, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are immature and wanting to score points over their peers. Having sex is natural, you know!
- Stephen, London, UK, 02/04/2008 14:11
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You know nowt about normal blokes at all. Just like last weeks' article about your wife being more famous than you. I've never heard of her or you by the way. Are you sure you are not gay ?
- Squiz, Islington, 02/04/2008 12:16
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