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Sienna Miller was praised for seeing past Rhys Ifans's flabby Catweazle exterior, appreciating his inner beauty instead. But now they're engaged, she's insisting he get into shape and look more like her exes, Jude Law and Daniel Craig.
Sienna loved his easy-going charm while she got over her entanglements with gorgeous narcissists but having decided to keep him he now has to change big time - like all married men. He reportedly spends hours on a Power Plate while she films her latest movie.
Imagine the outrage that would ensue if a male celebrity bullied his partner into buffing up. The public likes Lenny Henry because he seems happy with Dawn French. If he demanded she slim down he'd be despised for his insensitivity. Men who change women are regarded as Svengalis, while women habitually mould their partners into someone more like the man they really want.
I grew my hair at my ex-wife's suggestion but when I returned to my usual crew cut her angry reaction was: "Why didn't you ask me first?" The only men she consulted on her look were gay stylists but I was expected to have her appearance-approval at all times. Last year, I split from a woman after she picked out a new wardrobe for me: I was no longer her boyfriend but her personal project.
All men have memories of how a woman suddenly objected to their behaviour, income, pastimes or friends, though she didn't mind when they first hooked up. One pal's ex fell for his cocky extroversion, only to then nag him for showing off. A self-respecting man who hated being moulded, he inevitably dumped her.
Marriage is a hailstorm of nitpicking: a man's career, personality, choice in décor, outfits and bodyshape become his wife's remit. We attribute this to a nurturing female instinct to bring the best out of him. The real reason is an uncomfortable and rarely acknowledged one.
As US comedian Chris Rock said, women are dissatisfied because "you ain't her first choice". Rhys is realising that he has to live up to the ones Sienna let get away. His beer-belly isn't a refreshing change from the hard-bodies she's accustomed to but a reminder of the hot times she had that came to an end. If he wants to stay sane, he'll ditch the Power Plate and have a pint instead.
Reader views (9)
He's done well for himself....he's just had a whole load of people fight for and against him. if he was someone overlooked, no one would have bothered!
- Anon, London, 10/04/2008 11:11
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Jason or is it Nirpal?
Anyone with half a brain sees Dhaliwal's writing for what it is- that is the very limited rants of mid 30s teenager screaming look at me and trying way too hard. Bless him, he's approaching middle age and still a wannabe. I enjoy it for the unintentional comedy value and staggering lack of awareness. Fair play to him. I don't begrudge him the gig, after all he had to marry a mad woman to get it.
- Kap, Wimbledon, 09/04/2008 19:03
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I love Nirpal's column. He doesn't often get it wrong and I like the way he is happy to talk about his mistakes, weaknesses and short comings! Many a man wouldn't be prepared to put themselves in a vulnerable position. Good on ya!
- Y. B., London. England, 09/04/2008 18:20
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If you dont like what Nirpal writes, then don't make a deliberate attempt to read the column and skip the page?!
No one is insisting you read something you have no interest in.
And as for the rest of us?...we can make our own minds up thank you very much.
But to conclude, yes I do agree that if the shoe was on the other foot, and a guy was telling a girl to get into shape or conform to something other than what she is, there would be a lot said about it. So why should this be any different?
- Anon, London, 09/04/2008 16:30
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Thanks for the input Paul. The question is why do you keep reading it? Better still why not publish your own columns. Thought not. Now go away.
- Jason, London, 09/04/2008 16:16
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I must agree with Paul - so very tired and done to death.
- Rachel, london, 09/04/2008 15:40
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I quite agree Paul. Why does the ES pay this man, someone who appears to have made a career out of writing inconsequential cliches about his failed relationship with his awful, navel-gazing ex wife? Please tell him and all his ilk to go away.
- James Waddell, London, 09/04/2008 15:30
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Not my usual area for comment, even though I am publisher of hair and beauty magazines as well as being up for election on May 1st, but I disagree with you Paul. I think this guy writes some quite interesting and challenging stuff even when I totally disagree. And I happen to agree with a lot of this piece he's written. It is definitely the case that it is a lot easier and more generally acceptable for a girlfriend to chivvy a guy into changing his appearance than the other way round. I only have to listen to my publishing team (21 - 35 mostly female)...and imagine what would happen if the boyfriend said to them "I'm going to get you to try this diet because I think you're too fat"...which is what one said to her boyfriend only last night!
- Damian Hockney Am, London, 09/04/2008 14:50
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Why do the standard keep publishing this tripe? I can't fathom why this man is a columnist. No-one cares what he thinks, and what he does say we've all heard before. For eveyone's sake, please stop.
- Paul, London, 09/04/2008 12:24
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