Tonight:
5°c
As the Civil Partnership Act came into force, back in December 2005, I happened to be in the offices of a "family law" firm, off Chancery Lane, being charged £400 per hour, plus VAT, for advice that the passage of time confirmed to be completely and utterly worthless.
I have never forgotten the undisguised glee with which the assembled lawyers greeted the prospect of a whole new market opening up. They were eagerly calculating how long it would take the first cases of gay divorce to come rolling in.
The incident opened my eyes to the true interests of divorce lawyers whom until then I'd foolishly supposed to be genuinely on their client's side. It was like being a little lamb, privileged to hear a party of butchers discussing their favourite cuts of meat.
The butchers' expectations have now been met. Matt Lucas, of Little Britain, and his partner, television producer Kevin McGee, have become the first celebrity gay couple to "divorce".
At their wedding party, in December 2005, Lucas dressed up as Aladdin with feathers in his turban, while McGee came as Prince Charming.
Now, with a fortune estimated at more than £10 million, Lucas has instructed the super-expensive law company Mishcon de Reya, which acted for Heather Mills and Princess Diana.
It would be easy enough just to snort at this turn of events. But instead I'd like to wish Lucas the best of luck. Little Britain has made me laugh in my bath often enough.
As yet it's unclear exactly what kind of settlement divorcing gay couples can expect - an uncertainty that will bring a further smile to the lawyers' faces as they scent a test case. But the principle appears to be the same as in heterosexual marriage, that Mr McGee could make a claim on half of Lucas's fortune.
Once upon a time, marriage was the only way for women to achieve economic security, and divorce law still reflects this history, inappropriate though it now is. Now gay couples may get a full share of the stupidity. Why a marriage of 18 months, between a couple of exactly the same sex, with no children involved and no careers sacrificed, should bring any entitlement to a pay-off is hard to understand.
But perhaps Lucas and McGee are going to show us that gays do it better? There are few enough heroes and heroines of decent divorce. One rare example is Billie Piper and Chris Evans, who, when they split, simply walked away, quite amicably, with what they had brought to the union. Lucas and McGee could show the straights - and wipe the wolfish grins off the faces of the lawyers.
