Morning:
20°c
Secret deal hatched by News of the World to hush up details of phone-tapping was sealed in a tiny room at the Royal Courts of Justice
More...
The Germans have the word for it: schadenfreude, the intense joy we experience from witnessing the misfortunes of others.
Personally, as someone with no belief in the ineluctable character of progress, a deep scepticism about Chancellor Brown's claims to have ended the business cycle, and a contempt for the out-and-out greed of many in the City, I feel I'm long overdue a substantial schadenfreude bonus.
So, all you Gordon and Geraldine Geckos, where has your appetite for risk got you? With Northern Rock costing the British taxpayer a fortune, now Lehman Brothers has gone to the wall and even the mighty Merrill Lynch is sobbing drunkenly in the corner, waiting for the Bank of America to take her home.
All you bankers have had your fat years. Now get ready for some very thin ones. You posed as the engines of economic growth but really you were petrolheads, pure and simple, addicted to the short-term rush provided by speedy profits. You weren't interested in the real viability of companies: you liked takeovers, which made you a killing on stock fluctuations.
Nor did you care about commodities — you simply wanted to bet on their fluctuating prices. And as for property — don't get me started. Some of you gave mortgages to poor people who couldn't afford them; others of you issued bonds against these dud loans; then still more of you traded these fundamentally worthless “assets” with gusto.
Oh, yes, there's schadenfreude aplenty to be enjoyed at the sight of all those wide boys getting narrower by the second … and yet … hold on a minute: the collapsing property market means that it's the little people who can't get started on the property ladder, and the credit crunch means it's small businesses that can't get the loans they need. And many of the Lehman employees who lost their jobs yesterday weren't that rich.
No, schadenfreude isn't really called for here, not when people are posting their house keys through the door and going on the run because they can't keep up interest payments. What's required is a far stronger emotion: anger. Anger towards those at the top of the heap who went on gambling with other people's futures, and anger towards those in government who were seriously comfortable with the seriously rich — no matter how they made their money.
If only we'd borrowed a few other important concepts from the Germans we might be better placed to weather the storm; concepts such as “social market” and a conservative belief that far from house-price inflation being a good thing, it's a bad one. But we didn't. We preferred to borrow from those so-called Masters of the Universe on Wall Street, so all we're left with is schadenfreude, anger — or in the case of the poor, outright misery.
Reader views (13)
Here's a sample of the latest views published.
It's an interesting situation. In 1984, if I remember correctly, Brixton burned because of unemployment, now Canary Wharf might burn because of underemployment. It would certainly be A BIGGER FIRE this time.
- Phi Doidge, Bath England
Absolutely right Will, anger not schadenfreude. Anger as I prepare to watch the last vestiges of wealth and optimism leave this small northern town along with the jobs. Still, I don't expect to see that little fool of a baked bean seller, Andy Hornby, queuing down at the housing benefit.
- Martin, Halifax
You can't blame the wide boy's on the dealing floor for making a killing when they had the chance. I would and so would you. But you can blame the impotence of organisations like the SFO and FSA. Lets not pretend that inquiries and investigations make any difference; and if another one of these leveraged deal makers say's 'I think there are lessons to be learnt from this' I'm going to cash in what's left of my shares and put it in the bank. Should be 'safe as houses'.
- Gary Spinks, London. England
An erudite summation of the so called "credit crunch" however should we be surprised by the fact human greed, which is perceived as a virtue in the city, has brought about these financial "institutions" demise. Eat the rich I say.
- Christopher Dougan, London, UK
From now onwards no financial house CEO should be paid more than 10% above the lowest paid worker on his staff. They have proven beyond a doubt that their salaries were totally unjustified.
- Once Again, Geneva - Switzerland
haha - at least with the downturn in the economy noone will be able to buy your miserable books anymore!.
- Simon, london
The 'City' has not been credible since the demise of the "my word is my bond" principle. Since then, every top team has been committed to escalating the illusion - and woe betide any 'qualified' (wozzat?) pessimist among them who suggests doing the numbers properly.
- Steve, T Wells
Great article Will, as for Ethans preoccupation with self medication, we can only hope the once masters of the universe will enhance our feeling of shadenfreude by self medicating on cyanide. Why wouldn't Soros speculate on the currency market, thats what you get when you have self regulation. The main reason oil reached $150 a barrels was speculators gambling as to whether the price would go up or down. Are we seriously supposed to believe that a fat cat like the chief executive of Lehmans will walk away empty handed? Its is more likely that he will have invested his private capital in companies much better run than lehmans.
- James Hennessy, london england
Will I agree entirely with your article. The debris left behind, due to feckle, reckless decision making and unchecked wild abandon by those at the top of "master of the universe" institutions like Merrill Lynch and Lehman Brothers (and many more to come - as forecasts seem to predict), will be picked up in the main (as always) by the "little people". I don't think you're being judgemental at all - if only the FSA and Bank of England had adopted such an admonishing tone earlier with the heads of these institutions, as opposed to letting them go gamble and speculate "vegas style" unchecked and un-regulated, we might - just might - be in a stronger position of dealing with the current economic mess that we're currently facing. I know the financial downturn isn't entirely due to the banks, but they also must accept responsibilty in accepting that their mismanagement and lack of prudence has contributed to this situation as well. The time for passing the buck is over.
- Ali Sichilongo, London
Will, spare your bile for the spivs and carpet baggers we let in sometime after 1997. You will find them in Banking, the Law, the Civil Service and Politics. What we are seeing here is a paradigm bust, the snake oil salesmen are being chased out of town - this is only the first industry to start cleansing itself. Unfortunately, not everyone that works in the City gets a mega bonus and this will roll down hill and impact every Londoner. We need to return to the age of the pinstriped prudent manager and reject the dressed down spreadsheet charletons that dominated the last ten years.
- Joe, London
I have some bad news for your Mr.Self the financial industry has been the engine for British growth over the last decade. All those nice restaurants you frequent, the chain coffee shops, the designer brands, the gentrified neighbourhoods are all products of a huge jump in incomes and standards of living. Mostly on borrowed money, but only those who took risks they did not understand or could not afford have lost. So are they victims of their own greed or somebody elses? Do you have any sunstnative answers to offer or are you as usual simply carping and trying to look aloof?
- Mark, London
Readers will note that Will Self doesn't say what he would have done about any of it. Why do you think that is? The City of London run by a novelist, anyone?
Imagine Will’s reaction if a City banker were to hold forth about the art of writing fiction? Mr Self would surely beat his chest, foam at the mouth and insist that a banker could know nothing about the realities and intricacies of crafting a novel. So why is The Standard putting Self forward as an expert on the City?
The City can be a force for good AND a force for evil – much like a blank piece of paper, in fact. Most novelists resent the idea of censorship just as vehemently as City folk resent government intervention. Why? Because both can result in socially undesirable outcomes. Yet someone must decide how much censorship is enough, just as someone must decide how much the City should be left to its own devices. Neither task is easy. It is prone to error and is always best left to politicians and technicians, not rhetoricians.
Next week: Philip Green on hermeneutics.
- Jason, London, UK
I find it somewhat hypocritical that a person who used to self medicate is holding forth about financial 'self medication' and using such terms as 'addiction' in the perjorative sense. Mind that stone in your glass house there Will. Try being less judgemental and more understanding that most of these so called 'fat cats' will have done absolutely nothing wrong and will in all liklihood be wiped out. If you must have a villain of the peace I recommend those making VAST fortunes out of the current crisis. Like George Soros who made BILLIONS out of currency speculation during 'Black Wednesday'. I would welcome an expose of those making similar HUGE money out of the current misery. Where is that story Will?
- Ethan, UK
