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'Why I forgave the girl who said sorry for killing Charlotte'
Rob Singh, Evening Standard19 Sep 2008
The mother of a 15-year-old girl stabbed to death at a birthday party told today how she had forgiven her daughter's teenage killer.
Charlotte Polius was murdered after she accidentally trod on Beatriz Martins-Paes's toes.
Charlotte's mother Mary Foley has since exchanged letters with Martins-Paes after the 18-year-old had been convicted of the killing in Ilford.
The pair got in touch after Mrs Foley's church pastor, Peter Nembhard, wrote to Martins-Paes a year after she was jailed for life at the Old Bailey for the unprovoked attack in 2005.
Martins-Paes asked him if she could contact Mrs Foley, and she subsequently sent a letter from prison asking forgiveness.
Mrs Foley, of Stratford, said: "In her letter she said how sorry she was for what she did and she didn't mean to kill Charlotte and it was a second of madness. She just repeated how sorry she was and that Charlotte should still be here.
"It was strange. I read it and thought it was just an excuse and I took time out to read it again and I felt this young girl was genuine. I believed she was very sorry for what she had done."
She added: "I wrote a letter to her saying I forgave her but the process I went through was not overnight because Charlotte was my first child. I told her I forgave her but did not condone what she did."
Mrs Foley said the support from her husband Paul, 36, and their two surviving children had given her the strength to forgive the killer.
The 45-year-old was speaking as she received an honour at the London Week of Peace 2008 awards.
She was presented with the Bravery Peace Award for both her treatment of Martins-Paes and for launching a series of anti-knife and gun crime initiatives. She is heavily involved with her own campaign, Stop Da Violence, as well as a scheme which goes into schools mentoring young people known as Break the Cycle. She also works in the youth offending team in Barking and Dagenham.
Home Secretary Jacqui Smith and Met Commissioner Sir Ian Blair were guests at the ceremony at the Royal Garden Hotel, Kensington last night.
Eleven awards were handed out to Londoners receiving recognition for their concerted efforts, bravery and courage in their communities. Individuals and organisations will receive £500 each in recognition of their work.
Mrs Foley said the current spate of teenage killings and knife crime was extremely worrying. Speaking ahead of receiving her award, she said: "I thought I don't really want to get it because there are so many worthy organisations out there and those who are not known at all who do so much for the community."
Reader views (10)
I had the honour of interviewing Mary and Paul for an anti knife campaign funded by West Midlands Police. I have huge respect for them and the attitude they exuded - there is no denying the grief they had/have but those who were involved in solving the case and making sure justice was done had nothing but praise for the stance they took - they are examples of how, if we all tried, we could change the world. I wish you both well and will keep you in my prayers AndyXXX
- Andy Price, Birmingham UK, 18/05/2009 15:22
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Yeah - sadly I think it's true: the regret is feigned. It's EASY to sit inside and write a letter - aided by a well-meaning pastor - but why should she get any breaks? Even if it was a "moment of madness" that doesn't mean she shouldn't pay for what she did, sorry or not... and if her "sorry" helps the bereaved mum in some way, well so be it... What a tragic mess.
- Emma, los angeles, USA, 24/09/2008 03:30
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If i remember rightly this girl went to the party with two knives in her bag with the intention of stabbling another girl. Her father had previoulsy also been convicted of stabbing soomeone who annoyed him, so therefore the girl felt this is how one reacts. I do go to church, but even i would find it difficult to forgive someone for killing my (only) daughter. Although I also understand keeping hatred would make you a bitter person, and i admire charlottes mum for being able to show this forgiveness.
- Kh, London UK, 22/09/2008 15:16
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I KNEW CHARLOTTE ..
AND I MISS HER ALOT
R.I.P
- Anon, London, 22/09/2008 09:08
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She just wants to get out of prison. If you show feigned regret the parole board will let you out early.
- Frederick, London, 22/09/2008 07:01
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Frank I don't believe you should be so cynical. firstly the emphasis should be on the mother forgiving her. That is by far the most important aspect of this story. I cannot ever feel that I would forgive someone who did what martin-paes did and yet I know that the only way to go on would be to forgive because otherwise one will just be consumed by hatred and despair. I read an article in a red top the other week. It was an open letter targeted towards feral youths who think it is cool to carry guns and knives. Written by a murderer who is serving life for a murder commited 2 decades ago it made very compelling reading, especially the guilt and fear that he had. The feeling that he had the spirit of the victim in his cell with him, the waking up absolutely drenched in sweat having had yet another nightmare. Conversations he had with other murderers who feel the same emotions but cannot explain it to any kind of counselar/therapist/psychiatrist/priest because they cannot fully empathise with them. In his words"only psychopaths and bonafide headcases will not feel remorse." That girl will be in a world where she cannot hide from anyone. She will be having incredibly deep conversations with fellow murderers and she will be full of remorse and regret. Think about it, she did not kill for money she killed in a moment of madness which would not have gained her anything tangible. If the mother of the victim can forgive Martin-paes then surely you can drop your cynicism.
- Sue, London, 19/09/2008 13:24
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And then there is the peace of God that passes all understanding. Mary Foley is a smart lady, realising that there is no benefit in harbouring unforgiveness. It makes people very bitter when they hold on to negative feelings. Mary Foley needs emotional healing - and whether or not you are 'religious', starting with forgiveness is almost always the first step.
- Cath W, Scranton, PA, USA (ex-UK), 19/09/2008 12:15
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When I started reading this article, my immediate feeling was that religion had to be part of this compulsion to "forgive" the murderer of one's child, and reading further, I found I was right. It is of course Mrs Foley's business as to who she forgives, but I know that if my daughter (and I have only the one) had her life so senselessly and, let's face it, deliberately, taken from her, I would never forgive her killer, no matter how contrite they might seem because she would have "murdered" me too in the process.
- Yvonne, Doncaster, UK, 19/09/2008 11:32
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Wow, she really deserves that award. She's also a fortunate lady to be able to find it in her heart to forgive this girl - I'm sure many wouldn't be able to - she will have more peace in her life and less hatred as a result I imagine.
- Isabel, woking, 19/09/2008 10:41
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"...I believed she was very sorry for what she had done."
No, she feels very sorry for herself. She would do anything to reduce her sentence and get out early.
- Frank, Home Counties, England., 19/09/2008 10:16
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