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The other night I had a respectably raucous evening at the Rivington Bar and Grill near Old Street with three old university friends. We met early to make the most of it, dressed up, drank champagne cocktails, talked about Barack Obama for about five seconds and Strictly Come Dancing for about five hours. It was the perfect evening. And, it turns out, a memory to savour. Because under the new mandatory code of practice to be unveiled next week, our evening could soon be banned.
It turns out we were another symptom of binge Britain. By drinking champagne before 8pm (and saving a credit-crunching £2 a glass), we had taken advantage of - gasp! - the happy hour.
Under the new code, local authorities have the power to veto happy hours everywhere. So here comes Labour's newly sober message: the time for fun is over. Bring on the spirit of Victor Meldrew. Worry yourself senseless. Ban everything.
As the economy worsens, brace yourself for some serious nannying - because if ministers are meddling they give the impression of looking as if they care.
In the wake of the financial crisis, the Government is putting on its serious face and going all puritanical on us. First came the rap on the knuckles for Peter Stringfellow and his "gentlemen's clubs" this week. Now comes the inevitable anti-drink clampdown.
Interference can have its place but it has to be the right kind. And these new moves just feel moany and ineffectual. The anti-binge drive will not even be targeting supermarket prices, which is the one thing that might actually make a difference.
As my hairdresser was telling me last week, most young people do the worst of their drinking before they go out. She then asked me if vodka and tonic counted as a soft drink if you put extra tonic in it - and was extremely disappointed when I said no.
After I got her to pledge to drink two glasses of water per slug of V&T, we both agreed that the amount you drink has to be a matter of personal choice.
The same, perversely enough, goes for the evil lapdancing clubs. As a card-carrying feminist, I do not support their existence and I worry that the women climbing the poles are, at best, wishing they were somewhere else. Or, at worst, illegally trafficked. But just because I don't like G-string routines (certainly never as a spectator and very rarely as a participant), it doesn't mean it's my right to ban them as a pastime for others.
Insecure finger-wagging is in danger of becoming a national obsession the deeper we head into recession. And how strange that it's a Labour government - with a supposedly liberal social agenda - which is the first to go puritan in hard times.
How to pull off Primark
Congratulations to the trailblazing Jourdan Dunn, the Amazonian 18-year-old who has just won Model of the Year at the British Fashion Awards. An EastEnders fan from Greenford, she says: “London's not a white city. So why should our catwalks be white?” Jourdan was the first black model on Prada's catwalk for 10 years and has since graced the covers of British and Italian editions of Vogue.
One thing concerns me about her, however: a troubling question mark over her innate sense of style. Jourdan was first spotted by a talent scout two years ago. Where? Primark, Hammersmith. Deeply worrying. Or maybe that's the fashion secret that has been eluding me all these years: to look good in clothes that cheap you really do have to be a supermodel.
Making a meal of dinner
When did restaurants start only allowing bookings via the internet? Is it some kind of recession-related customer loyalty scheme? Attempting to book a table at Villandry in Marylebone this week, I found that you can't do anything over the phone anymore. You have to book online. Fair enough.
But then they email not only you but everyone you are having lunch with to tell them about it too. And just in case you are not checking your email at that particular moment, they also send you a text. By the time I had received two reminders about a lunch date I had already put in my diary, I felt like screaming: “Yes, I KNOW I am coming to lunch.”
Reader views (6)
I sympathize with your restaurant rant Viv.
Maybe you could name Michael Winner as your dinner guest next time - that should scare the management.
Better still drop a line to Michael and explain your rant - he will surely agree as he had a similar rant in the Sunday Times this year. He would surely love to have a pop at Villandry on your behalf !!
- John Howard Norfolk, Tiverton, Devon (formerly Oxhey Village), 30/11/2008 17:03
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The "modern' world is awash in drink and drugs - anything to dull the senses to the cultural and moral decay. The decay (and the subsequent reaction) is driven by liberal and socialist policies that encourage a lack of personal responsibility for one's life and actions - IN EXCHANGE for a Nanny State that totally controls your thought and action.
- Trunk, US, 30/11/2008 03:42
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Are we British really so pathetic that we can't have fun unless we are swallowing alcohol, even on public transport? My French and American friends, all fun loving people, find it incomprehensible that eating and drinking of any kind is permitted on public transport in the UK.
- Jake, London UK, 28/11/2008 12:40
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This dreary puritanism is not peculiar to the Left - Boris banned drinking on public transport and it's the right-wing press who are forever coming up with scare stories about 'Binge Britain'. Across the political spectrum, this country seems obsessed with draining every last drop of fun out of life.
- Charlie, Soho, 27/11/2008 16:14
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Instead of banning ways to drink, why doesn't the government try and incentives us to drink slowly? How about requiring bars to serve a glass of water with every alcoholic drink sold, or forcing bars to keep soft drink prices low? No one reacts well to being banned from something they enjoy without a good alternative.
- Matt, London, 27/11/2008 12:57
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The drink clamp down was inevitable. I'm not a fan of conspiracy theories but I have been personally told by someone very close to both Brown and Blair that NuLabour DO believe that they know better than the individual how that individual should run their lives. It's not a by-product of their inherent naval gazing but a core belief. Maybe one that in the past they were obliged to hide but now feel confident or desperate enough to give full reign to. As you say the New Puritans. God knows what will come next? I despise what these people have done to our country and can't wait to be out of it.
- Johnfaganwilliams, London, 27/11/2008 11:41
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