Afternoon:
8°c
Among the arts pages today you will read the statement to the effect that "Brian Sewell is away". Do not believe it - at least not in the sense of away skiing or away climbing Mount Ararat again. I am away only in the sense that I am at home and not in the offices of the Evening Standard reading proofs and complaining about the dry heat, dead air and windows that cannot be opened. I am, however, in bed.
I have joined six million others in this country who are tormented by back pain and the ludicrous indignities of the quasi-Quasimodo attitudes that it occasionally inflicts. In a year it has galloped from momentary twinge to constant company, from occasional creaks and groans to the audible click and grind of bone on bone. We - that is my bone man with me as helpless victim - have tried all his voodoo remedies and have resorted to the surgeon's toolbox. "Think of it," he said, as an cut-and-cover job, "just like the District Line." I did, but as a regular traveller on its notoriously irregular Wimbledon branch, the thought was not encouraging. Would a breakdown of signals between my shoulder-blades scupper his rerouting of my spinal cord? What effect might a train running into the buffers at my skull have on my sciatic nerves?
What were my choices? To do nothing, as my mother did (the condition is one of her bequests), and end as a crumpled, question mark, permanently gazing at my knees, or to confront the risks. These the bone man listed as death, paralysis and incontinence. His is a no-nonsense manner and I recognise in him at half my age the supreme confidence I had in my late thirties - then a man only acknowledges the existence of such possibilities but cannot imagine them and does not take them into much account. I brood on them but the decision is already made. I do not want to live on getting worse - 20 years of it my mother's fate, and how much I now kick myself for my failure to appreciate the measure of her pain.
My death is a problem for other people and my dogs, not me. Paralysis and incontinence I assume that I shall tolerate, and if I cannot, then I shall find some wayward solution to these problems. What I hope for is not a cure - that really would be voodoo - but some reasonable relief so that I can walk a decent distance with my dogs, prune things in the garden, reach for blackberries from a ladder, take heavy books from my top shelves, get to exhibitions without being quite the nuisance that I now occasionally am, and choose cheeses for myself instead of having to be grateful for other people's shopping.
Two months or so must pass before I shall be sure of what is what. Meanwhile, the Evening Standard will no doubt continue with the fiction that I am away. I am not. And if I am, then wry laughter must be your response to this too hopeful "Au revoir".
Reader views (25)
Mr Sewell,I wish the BBC would re broadcast the early Saturday evening programme you often took part in with Robert Robinson, 40 minutes of good conversation, with erudite considerate guests,aahh those were the days when Radio 4 had real plays.Get Well we all miss you!.
- Teddy, ofcolaco South Africa, 19/02/2009 18:33
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Dear Brian,
I've missed your critiques and the friendly confidences of your everyday news and views. It is such fun to read your rapier wit which seems always to be bedded in humour and compassion. You are in much pain yet still manage to see the ironies of getting old!
As I read your columns I hear your crisp, precise pronunciation and remember my early childhood in war-time Kensington. It's a projection - but a good one. The cheerfulness and kindness of neighbours in the air raid shelter; plane trees of the streets; Portobello "Lane"; the beauty of Kensington Gardens And the dignity of the people whom regardless of their accent had clear diction!
Years of life in the East-flat-vowels-and-no-glottal- stops-End have no doubt produced rosy-tinted binoculars - but who cares? Thanks for the memories - and a special thanks for sharing your world with me.
May 2009 prove to be a healthy, happy year for you and [selfishly] I plead, please come back soon and make both mine and others' working week end with warmth again.
kindest
Angela Tromans
- Angela Bell Tromans, London, UK, 16/01/2009 16:44
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I have only recently discovered your wonderful column and splendid musings and am very sorry you are temporarily upended... hope you recover quickly but in the meantime feel you could loll around a la barbara cartland dictating a wonderful book...!
- Jools, hexham northumberland, 14/01/2009 21:56
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Dear Mr. Sewell, Have been having a thin time myself, husband got ill in Mexico City, had to be flown back and he very sadly died on Dec.19th. Service was on Jan 5th so you can see we were not lucky! But I have to say I am so very grateful to the National Health, they did everything they possibly could do to save him and I shall schlep to the hospital with chocolates for the relevant wards as a thank you.
To restore my soul went on Thursday to Rennaisance Faces at the National. It was like I'd come home! left a note for James Heard and went ( for me at this time) quietly mad in the shop!
I've got a ticket for your talk in Croydon on the 19th and I definately hope to see you there. I'm growing out the red hair... I may put it back one day, but I just got fed up with having to re-dye it all the time!
- Carlyle Braden, Croydon, UK, 10/01/2009 10:08
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Missing you already.... Take care of yourself.
- Linda, lancashire, 20/12/2008 21:13
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Hang in there. I would be a sissy but, you have a great desire to get better. You Will. I know how you feel about your dogs. Love you no matter what. I hope you have a great recovery. There are others that never had the joys of your books, garden. I belive that you enjoyed your life. Any regrets? You have passion. You enjoyed the beauty of life. Why do the leaves know when to fall?
There is beauty in everything. We will all be falling leaves. You will handle it with all that you have enjoyed
and what you know is true. A new book.
- Jennifer Swindal, Ponte Vedra Beach Florida, 20/12/2008 02:01
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Dear Boy, get well soon! You are an English national treasure. Just think that you are going in for a bit of sympathetic restoration. I hope to see you again soon fully restored on the box and, please, in the meantime, keep those politically incorrect, entertaining and insightful Standard articles coming.
- Howard, Wellington, NZ, 18/12/2008 07:39
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Dear Brian,
Sorry to hear about your back. I wish you a speedy recovery! We need more of your excellent writing to entertain us! Have a great Christmas.
- Cypher The Panic Artist, Dublin, Ireland, 17/12/2008 21:30
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Ah dear,
sorry to hear about the old back giving in, just pretend youre the last of the Medici and lay in bed all day eating fruit.
You will be back up and annoying the unworthy in no time, so Happy Christmas Brian and a speedy recovery.
- J Trigger Taylor, bangor, n.ireland, 16/12/2008 15:12
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Get well soon Brian! There are an awful lot of us out there who are wishing you a speedy recovery.
- Jack, Surrey, 15/12/2008 17:00
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Get better soon, Brian! Your columns are my favourite part of the Standard. We'll all have our fingers crossed for you.
- Christi, Farnham, Surrey, 15/12/2008 11:23
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Dear Brian,
We hope you soon get better, and please keep writing. Art needs the voice of sanity today as much as do politics and religion. Didn't Michelangelo do some of his best work lying on his back....?
- Paul Kent, Holmfirth, 13/12/2008 17:39
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Best of luck, Brian. As a fellow spine sufferer, I know what you are talking about.
- Norcot, Oakham UK, 13/12/2008 15:13
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Thank you for your knowledge, your insight and your refusal to conform to orthodoxy. You are unique and it is to you that I owe much of my appreciation for and understanding of Art.
I hope that you will recover to a degree that spares you pain and perchance allows you continue your work.
Another Grand Tour would be nice. Please!
- David Alexander, london, 13/12/2008 14:12
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Rise up, you darling old icon -- we need your vision!
- Pj, Melbourne, 13/12/2008 12:04
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Dear Brian, Thoughts are with you, all the way from New Zealand this time.May The Red Army Choir serenade you to wellness. Robert.
- Robert Van Mackelenberg, Auckland, New Zealand, 13/12/2008 11:22
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As an expatriate of 10 years now, coming to the USA for work, I hold you up as representative of all that is colour, light and joy about the British culture. God Bless you and get better soon. Yes indeed, we all love you dearly. Thank you for your mind and wishing you a sparkling new spine!
- Peter Sellers (No, Not That One), New York, NY, USA, 13/12/2008 03:21
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Dear Mr Sewell, I sincerely hope that you are not 'away' for very long. Do get well soon, we need you!
- Johnaf, London, 12/12/2008 23:59
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All good vibes and wishes go out to you, Brian Sewell. I particularly enjoy your writings as you mostly express my sentiments. I'm sure you'll overcome all the latest problems to descend upon you - we readers and your dogs need you.
- Trisha Maug'E, London, 12/12/2008 21:53
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You made a good decision, living with pain, or lack of mobility, is not living it is existing.
I am absolutely confident that most of our health is in our head so your good doctor's skills together with your excellent attitude of mind should delivery the most positive outcome. Wish you better soon.
- Bernadette Manning, Bromley UK, 12/12/2008 21:24
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Mr Sewell, my healing thoughts are with you. We cannot afford to have you ill, above all in these difficult times when WIT and INTELLIGENCE are so needed.
Above all, we need you to point out that the 'Emperors' (of art) are wearing no clothes.
This back pain must be wearying indeed, and it takes great courage to be able to joke about it.....
get better, Mr. Sewell, we love you!
- Sydney Marks, London, England., 12/12/2008 18:51
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Mr Sewell, best wishes for a recovery from the curse of back trouble-as others have said here, your writings have given much enjoyment and are eagerly anticipated. I particularly enjoy your pieces about cars-a mixture of the artist's and engineer's approach. I wonder if you still have that lovely Mercedes coupe as seen on that C4 series you made a few years ago?
- Jon Kent, Hertford. UK, 12/12/2008 15:39
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Brian, you have my sympathy, I hope it works out and you get some relief from the pain.
- Graeme, Tyne and Wear, 12/12/2008 12:36
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I laughed hysterically reading this column - not at Mr. Sewell but with him. In a world that has gone crazy we need Mr. Sewell's point of view more acutely than ever. PLEASE, PLEASE get well Mr. Sewell. If I do meet a Voodoo Doctor I will be sure to ask for advice regarding your condition.
- Krogers, Florence ITALY, 12/12/2008 12:10
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So sorry you are suffering and unable to get out of bed. You have given so much enjoyment over the years, which I thank you for. There's no one to compare!
- Hjl, France, 12/12/2008 11:43
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