Tonight:
4°c
'The first bomb was like being punched by a ghost ...'
Sami Abdel-Shafi31 Dec 2008
THE deep whistle of a descending bomb is unmistakable. It is the sound of death. Just after 11.20am on Saturday I was gulping down coffee before leaving my flat in the west of Gaza City. I was heading for a meeting and had just grabbed my laptop when I heard it. I froze and listened. It seemed to be overhead. Then the building shook sideways. Explosions, some quite close, followed. I rushed to open windows to try to save them from being blown in.
A pressure wave smashed into my body. I felt I had been punched by something invisible, a ghost.
It was the beginning, something unexpected that arrived out of a clear blue sky. Within three days more than 300 of my fellow Gazans would be dead and many more injured.
The police station close by took a direct hit. The shocks knocked the breath out of me and I felt my quest for peace had been reduced to nothing.
I had spent more than 12 years as a working professional in Silicon Valley in California, returning to Gaza to try to make a difference. In May, I presented a paper on reconstruction and economic renewal to a conference. Even then, it seemed possible.
Now Israel's government has decided to traumatise and shock 1.5 million people, using more than 100 tons of explosives already. It is cold in Gaza at the moment and whether power is on does not make much difference since windows are kept open so they do not shatter with an explosion. Sunday night, for the first time, the house shook horizontally after one blast. It was like an earthquake. It made me think that perhaps the Israelis are using a new weapon. The target was a government guesthouse two blocks away.
If you start running out of food you fear going out to try to buy something in case your throat is torn out by shrapnel. A similar fate has befallen many in the past three days. And if you do risk it, you find there's nothing open, nothing to buy.
We have a generator that I keep on to get news from CNN, the BBC, AlJazeera, but overhead drones firing missiles distort the picture. Even the radio suffers from interference, reinforcing the sense of isolation.
On Saturday morning, I heard death coming, but on Monday night I smelled it. Raids less than a kilometre away targeted a complex of ministries and the Islamic University, sending a cloud of dust mixed with the smell of a detonation. Not only was I shocked and traumatised, but the deadly scent would not leave my last refuge, my home. It no longer feels like that.
On Tuesday morning, I received a call from the Gaza Community Mental Health Programme. Its centre was badly damaged. Gaza's medical services are in disarray, ambulances have been disabled and many doctors are among the civilians killed and injured. Psychiatrists and psychologists who should now be helping people are among the victims.
I never supported the policy of firing rockets into Israel. But I do understand why it happened. The rockets are a symptom of the desperation Gazans felt as Israel maintained its full control over all crossing points, the sea and the airspace. Israel has kept the Gaza Strip largely under siege, keeping supplies at dangerously low minimums, even when no rockets were fired. How could a moderate argue against the rockets and in favour of dialogue now?
Since Saturday, it has become glaringly evident how Israel's government seems to have lost respect for the people of Gaza, even as enemies. I am an independent, pro-peace, civilian who truly feels that the fundamentals of my life are being chipped away bit by bit. I am not being targeted personally, but my wellbeing and ability to live is being targeted.
Where is the Quartet, the seekers of peace in the Middle East, now? Where is Tony Blair? Gaza's closure, boycott, siege, blockade and unfolding war have got us to a point that can no longer be articulated. Ordinary people are longing for peace but are unable to find it anywhere. Politicians are vying for power and influence but are not likely to achieve it through violence. Something major is wrong when morals that protect the welfare of ordinary people are lost in between; and I mean the welfare of Israeli and Palestinian people equally. Now, slowly coming out of shock, I think about how Israel's commanders, and its uninformed citizens, seem to no longer to understand that Palestinian spirit truly longs for peace. They should know that there is also formidable endurance here, especially in the face of what many feel is an unjustifiable and disproportionate aggression and humiliation.
It is this spirit that enabled me to withstand the sound of death as it approached; the thrust and thick whistle of the descending bomb that hit a target next to where I live on Saturday.
Tonight is new year's eve. At any other time, parties would be planned, there would be celebrations and firecrackers. They, at least, will not be needed.
●Sami Abdel-Shafi, 39, is co-founder of the Emerge Consulting Group, which has been working on plans for economic renewal and reconstruction in Gaza.
Reader views (15)
What do we expect from two sides who cannot live in peace - Hamas vowing to eliminate Israel, Israel with the superior technology ... could Israel deal with a Hamas which has comparable technology? Will anyone supply Hamas with the advanced technology to equalize the warfare technology? If this happens, does this mean WW3 is just around the corner?
- Gary, Worcester Park, 01/01/2009 21:08
Report abuse
listening to the supporters of isreal they tell us how many rockets they have attack them but the real infamy lies in the WOMEN AND CHILDREN SLAUGHTERED. that is what i and millions more find unacceptable. as every jew as the right to settle in isreal how much land do they need?
- John Green, Nottingham uk, 01/01/2009 15:02
Report abuse
Thank you Evening Standard for being brave enough to print this against the tide of pro-Israeli propaganda and thank you Sami for being brave enough to report it. Please stay safe you are making a difference.
The timing cannot be a coincidence. The Israelis are on a clean up assasination operation with tacit approval of the United States. The instruction surely is to get it done before President Obama comes into power so he can plausibly deny that he was aware and tut tut in mild annoyance at the execution of hundreds of people. He will even perhaps heroically arrange a truce.
I hope Sami survives that long.
This is what the Jewish lobby makes political contributions for. US democracy at its best.
- Michael, London UK, 01/01/2009 10:04
Report abuse
This nit wit says sending Rockets into Israel is not nice but it is even worse to kill terrorist. Some how that doesn't make sense.
- Rich, Dallas, USA, 01/01/2009 01:32
Report abuse
After witnessing the Nazi firestorm bombing of London when thousands of Londoners were killed. Perhaps our retribution of flattening Dresden, Cologne and Berlin was just a Guy Fawkes fireworks display. Only 30,000 civilians were killed in Dresden. Enjoy the party mr shafi.
- Charlie George, ilford england, 31/12/2008 23:07
Report abuse
Hamas won an election fair & square - it was elected because of the desperation of the Palestinians Christian & Muslim alike.Israel does not like Hamas because it is not compliant to its wishes like Fatah hence the constant Israeli propaganda against Hamas.
Those who remember the Warsaw Ghetto and the Nazi policy of "Lebensraum" will realise what the Israelis are up to.
US power is waning and it may not be too long now before the Israelis are called to account.Walls erected to keep danger out can turn into walls to keep people in - a prison.Then warfare that amounts to shooting chickens in a coup may be fought elswhere than as in Gaza today.
Meanwhile Israeli propaganda is utterly threadbare.
- Chris Davies, Stalybridge UK, 31/12/2008 22:12
Report abuse
Steve London, talking about two sleeping daughters, what about the five seeping daughters massacred by Israeli bombs. As if 'Hamas members' are not human beings, that's just Israeli spin. Hamas were democratically elected in free and fair elections by the people. That's like killing people who voted for or support the Tory party, saying they were Tory members. This is 'collective punishment' by Israel. Nelson Mandela was part of the then outlawed ANC which was considered a terrorist organization. As clearly proven today's terrorist can be tomorrow's freedom fighter!
- John, Enfield, 31/12/2008 22:02
Report abuse
Very well said John from Enfield. It would be helpful if the Evening Standard published a more balanced view. Four Israeli deaths versus four HUNDRED deaths in Gaza. The death and maiming of innocents is very painful to watch. Christian holidays and religious holidays should be respected and not used as a time to carry out an onslaught like this.
- Sarah, Richmond, 31/12/2008 20:36
Report abuse
Steve of London
I wonder what Obama would have said had he been able to visit a Palestinian family at the sharp end of the Israeli blockade of Gaza - which of course he was not allowed to do thanks to an Israeli veto.
Hamas only fired rockets when Israel broke the ceasefire by mounting targeted assassinations of it its members and other incursions. Hamas ended the ceasefire because Israel refused to lift the blockade.
Hamas reserves for Palestinians the right of self defence. This is intolerable to the Israelis who wish to completely dictate the agenda of any political accommmodation.
- Alanadale, London, UK, 31/12/2008 17:55
Report abuse
Some more neutral views from some non Jews would be appreciated. Our New Year is being mired by the attrocities and war crimes being commited by the Israeli state. No respect or regard that this is Christmas and the New Year for Christians. When we in the West develop more backbone and stand up to 'bully' states in the interests of world peace and stability, rather than just fighting war that serves our own interests. Then these 'doctors of spin' will be brought to task.
STOP THE KILLING ISRAEL - WAKE UP! THE NO LONGER SUPPORTS YOUR AGGRESSION!
- John, Enfield, 31/12/2008 15:52
Report abuse
Anybody would have sympathy with your plight Sami but like the comments above, Hamas must take the lion share of blame for what's happening right now in Gaza. Just like Al Qaeda, they indescriminately target Israeli civilians. Israel at least has been using targeted raids against specific Hamas buildings such as weapons stores. Most of the dead are Hamas members.
Israel pulled out of Gaza in 2005 and since then have faced more than 6,500 rockets and mortars on to their civilian population. Of course they were going to have to do something about it. What would you have done in their position Sami? They gave Gaza enough warnings. As President elect Obama said on a recent visit to the Israeli town of Sderot "If somebody was sending rockets into my house where my two daughters sleep at night, I would do everything to stop that, and would expect Israel to do the same thing."
It was Hamas who broke the cease-fire Sami and it is them who have made your life difficult and dangerous.
The Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas even puts the blame on Hamas, "We talked to them [Hamas] and we told them 'please, we ask you, do not end the truce. Let the truce continue and not stop' so that we could have avoided what happened."
I like many people around the world hope for a lasting peace in the Middle East but this won't come until Hamas start talking and put away their terrorist methodology. I hope your life improves and you can help rebuild a better safer Gaza.
- Steve, London, UK, 31/12/2008 14:44
Report abuse
Sami Abdel-Shafi, if you are reading this, please take care and come out of this alive and well. We need you, to bear witness and to continue to do the work you have set out to do.
- Gill, London, 31/12/2008 14:24
Report abuse
Honestly, I do feel for you !
In is a horrible feeling, experience and a place to be in, in time of war.
But let not forget that what you have been through in the past few days, your neighbors in Sderot & Ashkelon have endured for over a year.
You heard the bomb whistle whilst coming down and had sufficient time to open the windows. The people in Sderot do not hear any Kassem whistling, it is hit them out of the blue, like a ton of bricks.
Further, let us not forget that you leaders, Hamas broke the "truce" and stated loudly and clearly that would not renew without total Israeli compliance with their demands, they felt so strong that they seem to dictate the terms until last Friday.
Truce is cessation of hostilities by two warring enemies not by just one.
Your complaints should be addressed to Hannia and Mishal they bear the responsibility to the suffering of Palestinians in Gaza.
They take monies handed by the international communities and relief organizations destined for food, to pay for missiles armaments and excavation of tunnels. In other words, they are the ones who fire rockets from vicinity of civilian tower blocks in expectation that should retaliation come they can fill the media with horrible pictures of injured infants who were caught in cross fore they are the one who exploit and use you.
Wishing you well
With best wishes for a
Happy Healthy Peaceful and Prosperous New Year
- Haim, London, 31/12/2008 12:15
Report abuse
"to understand that Palestinian spirit truly longs for peace"
???????????????????????
Where does that delusion come from? Palestinian politicians have persistently assumed that violence will achieve gains which will outweigh the costs - that includes dealing with the internal competition as well as Israel. How is it possible to be blind to something so obvious?
- W R Stevenson, London, 31/12/2008 10:55
Report abuse
"The first bomb was like being punched by a ghost ..."
What was sending your first rocket over into Israel like? Hit and kill any children did you?
- Frank, Home Counties, England., 31/12/2008 10:13
Report abuse
