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Sibling rivalry has made me what I am

Catherine Ostler
18 Feb 2009


I can tell that my third, and youngest child (girl, nearly two) is a natural born leader. Though barely knee high, she pipes up in a loud voice issuing directives to the entire family: "Stay here, sit down, toast". We all laugh, then obey. My eldest daughter (five) calls her "the boss of the house".

Therefore I am not convinced by the timeless theory that has just resurfaced at UCL which is that eldest children get the most attention because middle-class families practise "unconscious primogeniture". David Lawson (himself a punchy third child) and Professor Ruth Mace studied 14,000 families and came up with the idea of "laterborn disadvantage". We youngers - I have the misfortune to be the younger of two - are more likely to have dud IQs and ill health.

We got fed worse food, got no help with our homework, and no one could be bothered to read to us when we were little. As a result, the elders - the jammy brats - are over-represented in grand jobs which require them to be bossy, such as "senior executives and surgeons".

Presidents, CEOs, and others who behave like grown-ups in highly paid, responsible roles are likely to be elders. No wonder the youngers - like Roger Clinton, Bill's baby brother who spent time in jail - have to make such a fuss to get noticed.

The basis of this report is that "parents face a fundamental trade-off between fertility and investment per offspring", ie, the more children you have, the worse off they will be. Of course this is all predicated - as any academic research would be - on the idea that the more parental attention, the better.

But most parents are just rather anxious around their first child, holding mirrors over the baby's mouth in the cot to check it's still breathing, sterilising everything in the house, chopping up food till they're four in case they choke.

This can make the experience of the elder child less relaxing than that of the youngers, who are bought up by "seen it all befores". It also doesn't allow for the amount siblings might learn from the older brothers and sisters; the advantage they have in preparing for mixing with their peer group.

It's a good office game to try to guess who's younger, older or an only. Judging by my own family, I would suggest a further study: the disproportionate impact of a third child determined to be heard - see my youngest and David Cameron.

* Catherine Ostler is editor of ES Magazine.

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