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Sisters are doing it to themselves

Yasmin Alibhai-Brown
19.02.09

Stamping her well-heeled little feet, Sienna Miller whinges about the "sisterhood", more vicious to her than the universal brotherhood of sweetiepie men. "It is women who are holding us back. It is women who are doing the judging."

Too right. I am one of those who slammed Miller after she took up with an American actor with the attractive surname Getty, a father of many children, the youngest only 10 months old. I guess for this mistress a betrayed wife is a nobody, certainly not a woman who matters, too.

But irritating, sanctimonious and hypocritical as Miller is, her latest outburst led me to revisit what happens to women who make it in what is still a man's world. Look at today's bleak landscape, havoc made by greedy men, paid for by women who are fast losing out in the labour market.

We are never safe, can never assume unbiased support from male or indeed female colleagues. Having broken through the barriers, a new terror sets in. Failure, small or big, is not an option because that is what so many wish for you. Stumble and fall and you prove them right; become invincible and you raise silent wrath and furtive plots.

Powerful, ambitious women lack ease and trust and so many try too hard and eventually turn too hard, ending up as reactionaries who have no commitment to equality at all. Remember they have to be pretty tough to start with. The forthcoming BBC film on the last days of Thatcher reveals the metamorphosis beautifully.

Though a handful were loyal, Thatcher's male colleagues were sharpening the long knives long before the end of her time as Tory leader. In the end, she could not rely on them. I am not suggesting all women are pathetic victims of men but that it is important to understand that great success distorts and unsexes women. I have detested Margaret Thatcher for ever but that doesn't stop me seeing how her gender made her uncompromising and ultimately loathed.

They weren't born that way. People recoil from what they become. I would even include the self-serving Sienna Miller herself.

Of course, there are brilliant female novelists, actresses, directors of companies, media figures and politicians who keep their femininity and humanity and who have not made an unholy deal with the Devil in return for untold success. But too many have and feel they have to. That, I feel, is the saddest thing to happen to feminism, a sweet ideal now turning bitter.

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I cant believe she has an ounce of sisterhood in her. didnt she make a play for Kylie Minogues ex when she was recovering from cancer?

- Yvonne, london, uk

"We are never safe, can never assume unbiased support from male or indeed female colleagues. Having broken through the barriers, a new terror sets in. Failure, small or big, is not an option because that is what so many wish for you. Stumble and fall and you prove them right; become invincible and you raise silent wrath and furtive plots."

How exactly is this different for male employees?

The truth is that far too many organisations have structures designed by and for monomaniacs and psychopaths (of either sex). The way to the top is boot-licking, duplicity, back-stabbing and above all blaming others and making sure nothing is ever *your* fault. Short-term risk-taking is rewarded. Successful pursuit of meaningless and counter-productive targets is rewarded. Caring about the long-term future of the organisation is not. Genuinely helping your colleagues to do a better job is not.

What has happened to our banks is a superb demonstration of this in practice. Those who saw disaster coming and spoke out, got the sack. Those who took obscene and ultimately unsuccessful risks with their customers' money, got enormous bonuses and the top jobs.

- Nigel, London

Good Lord Yasmin - so what you're saying is you agree with Sienna- however reluctantly?

- Cass, London

the irritating thing is that no one actually blames a cheating Mr Getty. Women seem to get all the blame even though Sienna is more true to herself then Balthazar who is deceiving his wife. Give a girl a break!

- Pera, london uk


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