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Tory frontbencher Caroline Spelman must return the £10,000 she claimed from the public purse to pay her nanny in the late 1990s, who, apparently, also did secretarial work. There's no reason really to feel sympathy for Spelman. Yet most working mothers will surely feel a weary pang of recognition at her nanny troubles. I know I do: for wonderful women though many nannies, child minders and au pairs are, dealing with them is often more debilitating than the wailing baby.
We working mums are mocked and damned, selfish bitches all, in films like The Nanny Diaries. The inconvenient truth is that many mothers, including the most successful, have little domestic power: even the most inept nanny can rule the roost.
They do unacceptable things that you must meekly accept. When my daughter was a few months old I hired an Asian woman to look after her. One day I came back from a meeting to find several of her clan making tea and snacks in the kitchen. I couldn't tell her not to repeat the party because my baby had taken to her. Six months and many merry gatherings later, I finally asked her to leave. Then there was the reliable Bosnian who one day disappeared with my child until dark. I thought it was an abduction. But no, back they came, the child sticky, wet and cranky. They had gone to the airport to meet someone and the flight had been delayed. I told her off and she vengefully stayed away for four days.
Lucinda, a born-again Christian Afro-Caribbean, ate golden syrup cakes and watched TV with my toddler for all her working hours. When I gently told her to take the child out to the park, she said Christ would be displeased with my rudeness. An acquaintance, Helen, a solicitor, has just bust up with her neglectful nanny. She rang me: "I'm really worried what she may do" - a lawyer, cowed.
She, like most of us, feels caught. Children like continuity and get attached to carers, however inadequate; mothers don't want to distress the child and will go a long way to support the substitute parent. There is that fear, too, that the nanny will just push off. Carefully balanced work arrangements then fall apart and few bosses sympathise. Most working mums know this powerlessness; Spelman too, I daresay. And for that she does deserve sympathy.
Reader views (6)
Margy, London I appreciate your comments, If you give good governess to your babies they will be a great asset for you in future. It is correct saying."You give me good mothers, i will give you good generation".
Kids have been negleced, we are responsible for that. School boy dad, we parents are responsobles.We should keep eye on our children activities for their better future. There are many cases in the society.
- M A Sular, London, 08/03/2009 09:48
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- Suzy, Colchester
But isn't society supposed to progress and learn from our previous mistakes rather than repeat them? Besides, the main issue here is children under 5 (the most formative years); the poorer victorians tended to send children out to work at 9 or 10 but that had been stopped by the mid victorian age. I cannot think of any period in history (other than the last 30 years) when it has been fashionable to leave a 6 month old child with a minder whilst the mother goes out to work.....it is so selfish; think about it!
- Margy, London, 05/03/2009 17:49
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History show us that children have been farmed out at early ages until very recently! The poor sent them to work as soon as they were able/the rich put them in to the care of tutors/nannies/sent them to boarding school at age 7. It's only this modern era that insists on mother being welded to child, behind 4 walls all day- often to the detriment of both. Where are fathers in all this anyway?
- Suzy, Colchester, 05/03/2009 14:57
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I meant to start my last messages with Yasmin's quote:
"We working mums are mocked and damned, selfish bitches all"
You said it Yasmin!
I have 3 children and never worked until they were 13, and even then I didn't like them coming home to someone other than me. I do have a career and had to choose between that and my children. Naturally, I chose the latter. I think people like Yasmin just want to have it all ways. It's selfish and I have no idea why parents wonder why we have created a generation with so many problems at a young age. Surely, it's fairly obvious......the kids have been neglected! Of course, people like Yasmin will never admit they are wrong but I believe they are and the evidence is all around us.
- Margy, London, 05/03/2009 14:26
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Children need their mothers and farming them out at a few months old is shocking. The liberal left are unable to ever admit they are wrong.
In 100 years time, people will look back at this period and say "Wow...didn't they treat their children appallingly...dumping them with strangers at a few months old".
In Scandanavia, children do not go to school until age 5 or 6; there is no pre-schooling and the parents are expected to nurture and look after their child, rather than farming them out to carers, so they can satisfy their own selfish needs.
- Margy, London, 05/03/2009 13:22
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A nanny is far more useful to a woman trying to cope in the work-place than a secretary and if a PA performs certain nannying tasks is that of any less business value than a PA who makes the boss tea and books his travel and client-entertainments?
- Bloke, London, 05/03/2009 11:14
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