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Escort, walker, companion ... every woman over 40 needs a charismatic man she can take to parties who will laugh at her jokes and remember which cocktail she likes. You don't automatically sleep together (many of the best walkers are gay) but it might be quite nice if you did.
I wouldn't pay for sex. But I would - and do - pay for pleasure and good company. Why shouldn't women who are between relationships make the same pragmatic decisions as men? I'm not averse to the idea of goods in kind. Invites, careers advice, nice restaurants, why not? It's what older men have always done with younger women.
The word "gigolo" hit the headlines this week with the case of BMW heiress Susanne Klatten, 46, who became entangled with Helg Sgarbi, a man who has made a career out of seducing and blackmailing rich women. His motives might have been dishonourable but I can see where Klatten was coming from. Sgarbi picked her up in a spa. He apparently radiated "inner sadness" - aren't we all a bit of a sucker for that?
But I feel he rather let the side down. The true gigolo isn't out to humiliate women. He's only passing through. No doubt he'll end up with someone younger but for a summer, he's yours. And that might be worth picking up the tab for.
For women there is more equality in this relationship than you might think, and a healthy dose of realism. Seasoned women get company, emotional support and - sometimes - sex. For the gigolo, the transaction isn't always financial. There's a lot they can learn from their Mrs Robinson.
Don't forget, there is a great tradition in fiction of older women who help to "launch" a younger man. Think of Colette's Cheri (now a new film with Michelle Pfeiffer), where Lea, 49, a famous courtesan, educates her 25-year-old lover about society.
Of course, these affairs can end badly. In Tennessee Williams's The Roman Spring of Mrs Stone, an American actress discovers the young man is after her money as well as her body. But, treated realistically, an ill-advised fling can be just the thing to restore bloom.
Such is the prevalence of the "pragmatic" relationship now that there is even a name for the sexually voracious older woman: the urban cougar. Think Sharon Stone, Kim Cattrall, Madonna - they have no embarrassment about dating younger men. Cougars are financially independent, career-driven, possibly divorced, with children, and they want to avoid the ties of a long-term relationship in favour of the freedom of the hunt.
Tennessee Williams may not have foreseen the man-eating Samantha Jones in Sex and the City (though, as a gay man, I rather suspect he did), but I think he would have enjoyed an outing to Soho House or Bungalow 8, where you'll find fortysomething "cougars" sipping cantaloupe martinis with a hot young man on their arm.
In London you need a walker for each day of the week. The man who is erudite at gallery openings might not be so good for a friend's christening. You hand-pick them according to the event.
Personally I'm always hiring. Over to you, boys ...
Reader views (11)
hi iam surya. from my childhood itself i like only aunties. because i had spend more time to them. I didn"t got friendships with smaller girls . i wish to get good looking aunties from tamilnadu.if they see me they will like 50%, if they speak with me they will enjoy 50%
- Surya, salem/ coimbatore
I am a man in my early 30's. i just love older women they are to me like a fine french wine on a sunny day.
- Mr.Horn, staines uk
A very interesting article. Liz you can hire me for "free" any time...
- John, Herts
In my 20s I had several relationships with older benefactors (both male and female), where my company and attention were repaid with meals, gifts and travel. Nothing ever so vulgar as cash. They appreciated my company, looks and energy and I saw a lot more of the world than I otherwise would have.
- 'Adam', London
How can any self-respecting woman clain to WANT a gigolo? (Title - Be honest, every older woman wants a gigolo). By definition - "a man supported by a woman usually in return for his attentions" - a gigolo is only interested in a woman because she's paying for his favours, he probably wouldn't give you the time of day otherwise. That's certainly no compliment to the woman. A toyboy is a different matter, some younger men are genuinly attracted to older women but a gigolo will only give you the attention you're paying him for.
- Ian Davies, London, UK
My best ever relationship was when I was 41 and he was 22, and just graduated from uni. I loved him & he me, but I ended it after 3 yrs due to my feelings of embarrassment. Give me a younger man over an older one any day....
- Freya, Essex
Jimbob is right - Gigolo (although evoking images of Richard Gere in his younger years) implies money is changing hands, which is not what we are talking about here - is it?
And Darius, it is not just STARS that are not embarassed - some of us mere mortals can get quite smug about being out with the younger man.
- Audrey, Glasgow, Scotland
Why should a confident sassy woman like Liz Hoggard NEED a walker - and for every day in the week, for goodness sake? Sometimes, a girl's own company is best.
- Cassie, London
Obviously "STARS" are not embarrassed being seen with younger men - THEY LOOK YOUNG, (and of course are famous), and the men know it.
Age is not the issue - even these men wouldn’t be seen dead with someone who looks like their mother!
On the other hand, we do see many rich and wealthy or just plain famous old MEN, who LOOK like old men - with young “lady”on their arms.
So what does this tell you - that women ARE able to love someone who is very wrinkly (as long as they are loaded, of course)!
- Darius Midwinter, London UK
And I prefer 'toy boy' which I am. it's far more charming than gigolo
- Jimbob, Kensington
What a sad life Liz Hoggard must lead if she believes what she writes here. I am a woman over 40 and I do not need to pay someone to accompany me anywhere and I am sure that none of my women friends do either.
- Sarah Bradshaw, Enfield, Middx
