Tonight:
4°c
No one likes student teachers. Especially not the pupils. As a mean 13-year-old I can remember hounding a student teacher, a Mr Bean lookalike, out of his first class. He deserved it.
I'm not even sure he would have made it onto the new fast track into teaching, announced by the Government this week. Designed to entice recession-hit workers into the profession, it's teacher boot camp: training is being cut from a year to six months.
There is already a barrage of criticism. "Having knowledge and being able to teach it are not the same thing," fumes Christine Blower, acting general secretary of the National Union of Teachers. So if existing teachers aren't happy and you are likely to get crucified by the pupils anyway, then why bother?
Because we are desperate for new blood in education, that's why. To give overstretched schools a much-needed boost. I happen to have several friends who are already on fast-track schemes, training on the job in secondary schools. The results are amazing.
Becoming an English teacher has given one friend a new lease of life in her early forties. She has finally found her vocation. I envy the parents whose children are being taught by her: her pupils get theatre trips, pep talks, careers advice and a real injection of passion. It's not easy, she admits, but it's rewarding.
Another friend, a maths teacher, is enjoying it just as much. "It is exhausting and the pupils can be a nightmare. But they are also hilarious."
All the new teachers I know are in their late thirties and early forties.
They say they cannot imagine coping with the workload or the pressure in their early twenties. But because they're older and used to the stress of different working environments - media, law, advertising - it's manageable.
None of them have had any grief from their more experienced colleagues. Instead they get praise for their enthusiasm and optimism. They get ribbed too, though, for being naive and putting in too much effort with the children.
"You'll wear yourself out. Why do you care about them so much?" one older teacher asked one of my friends. "Because I am still green enough to think I can make a difference," she grinned.
This is the thing about teachers new to the system: they are not as knackered or as jaded as people who have been teaching for 10 or 20 years. Would you rather your child was taught by a wildly enthusiastic apprentice? Or by a grumpy old hand who has seen it all before and more or less given up?
I see only one thing to worry about with this scheme. A lot of the applicants will be redundant bankers. They must be kept away from the departments of maths and economics.
They've had personal trainers. Let them teach PE. Failing that, dress them as Mr Bean and put them in front of a class of 13-year-olds.
Let's chew the fat now, Beth
Much as I hate fashion's anorexia fetish, I find myself equally disturbed by Beth Ditto's 15-stone frame. Not least because I've wobbled dangerously close to the fat-lady-on-the-seaside-postcard look myself and I know what it represents: a debilitating addiction to chocolate HobNobs - and a nice plump slice of denial. Now Ditto has received the ultimate fashion accolade - the thumbs-up from style goddess Suzy Menkes, who told her this week: "I love your look."
The truth is, morbidly obese is just as unattractive - and unhealthy - as terminally skinny. Having one token size 20 girl in the front row is not going to make size 12 or 14 feel any more normal. If Ditto fits in with fashion at all, it's because she's another extreme. Even if it is one this recovering biscuit addict can imagine achieving.
I'm right as rain in the pool
I can tell that spring is in the air, for I have been seized by an uncontrollable desire for a swim in Hampton's open-air pool, a short cycle across Bushy Park from my house.
This involves a certain amount of psychological preparation. As an intrepid open-air swimmer, you have to cultivate a thick skin and a stubborn resistance to the inevitable meteorological disturbances wrought by the British climate.
At London Fields Lido in Hackney the council has already banned swimmers from the pool during any inopportune downpours "to protect users' safety". What spoilsports.
If you're going to wait for fine weather to swim, in this country you'll be waiting for ever. Swimming in the rain is one of the joys of London life. You're going to get wet anyway, so why not do it properly?
• I almost didn't go to Three Days of Rain at the Apollo, starring James McAvoy and (swoon) Nigel Harman, because of the poor reviews. The overall view was that it had been performed better elsewhere. But what does that matter if - like me - you have never seen this clever, surprising play by Richard Greenberg?
This excellent piece of theatre does not deserve to be overlooked. It was my theatrical highlight of the year so far: Harman and McAvoy soaked to the skin in a memorable Mr Darcy moment.
Reader views (2)
As a teacher of many years - and no, it was far from being my initial career choice - I passionately enjoy my work. However, I have seen far too many people enter the profession completely unqualified to do the job, emotionally and psychologically (never mind professionally). I worry that this is a 'sticking plaster' fix. Any one who enters this profession must do so with their eyes truly open. The rewards in most cases are not a reflection of the investment every teacher makes of their 'being'; the work is so much more than simply imparting knowledge. The best teachers in my school leave work physically and emotionally drained, but all return the next day. It is not a vocation any 'real' teacher can simply walk away from. Only the lucky few will really be in a position to take up the profession after 6 months training - the vast majority will realise they have been 'hoodwinked' by the spin. Witness the number of graduates who were paid significant burseries to qualify as a teacher: how many ever made it to the classroom? And how many are still here?
- Kev Hants, Hampshire, UK., 12/03/2009 15:03
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Most of the best teachers on my maths teacher training course came from recruitment and sales background. Subject knowledge is almost irrelevant compared to being able to enthuse and motivate the kids. I auspect that the best of the new batch of teachers are going to come from the ranks of all these newly unemployed estate agents. In contrast many of the very clever city boffins are likely to make dreadful teachers, regardless of how well they know their subject matter.
- Tamt, London, 12/03/2009 13:43
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