Afternoon:
10°c
Every so often the people of the United States of America get together to hold a massive Screaming and Not Listening Festival.
There's one going on right now, this year's theme being healthcare reform. As far as I can tell, they seem to be enjoying themselves hugely: there are Who Can Make The Most Sweeping Statement competitions, there are big, communal rant-alongs and at the end there'll be the crowning of the Froth King and Queen (the couple judged to have produced the most spittle while screaming into the face of a man who's trying to help them). It's very easy to make fun of Americans — indeed, it's something of a national pastime, along with fearing teenagers and wondering who gives a toss about Big Brother any more — but we should look to ourselves before we get too carried away with mocking the level of debate over the Atlantic.
Politicians in this country are constantly calling for a national debate on whatever they happen to be in the Today studio to talk about, although in their case this is generally merely the kind of crass populism which, if allowed to run unchecked, would inevitably result in the reintroduction of hanging and Britain launching itself into space as an independent planet. But we're not capable of having a debate — because a debate is about listening to other people's opinions and not, as many of us seem to believe, merely repeating the first thing we've read over and over again with increasing intensity and wilder stabbing gestures until we either succumb to an aneurism or a court case.
We, like the Yankee Healthcare Reform Refuseniks (coincidentally, the name of a punk band I was in at university), refuse to listen to anyone else. In part this is to do with a misreading of democracy: that everyone is allowed equal say — one vote — implies that each person's opinion is equally valid. This is a big misunderstanding. The reality is more like this: if you're not hamstrung by membership of a political party, are relatively well read in current affairs and leave a pause before answering a question, then most likely your opinion is valid. Congratulations.
If, on the other hand, you refuse to process any new information on vital subjects, prefer to stick with what Barry down the pub says, and barely wait for your interlocutor to finish before leaping in with an answer beginning “At the end of the day ...”, or have ever uttered the phrase “It doesn't matter who you vote for — the Government always gets in,” then your opinion is most certainly not valid. Sorry.
Crucially, our refusal to listen is also about the death of trust. There are so few people we believe nowadays that no one can blame us for not listening to anyone else. In fact, off the top of my head I can only think of two people we all respect. That's why I believe that for the sake of democracy and rational thought, all future debates should be taken out of our hands and carried out on prime-time television by Stephen Fry and Sir David Attenborough. But then, no one listens to me.
Only the rude need to apply...
The Americans are getting out of Grosvenor Square. Not immediately, of course, it will be a phased withdrawal over a period of time. Simply pulling out would be irresponsible — they've been there so long now that the people of Mayfair have grown used to them.
When they disappear it will leave a power vacuum and violent jockeying for position between local tribes. Whichever won out in the end — tasteless art galleries, cafés that charge £4 for a cappuccino, banks you've never heard of, Gordon Ramsay — the region would be destabilised.
So before leaving, the Americans will have to create a local infrastructure to replace their own. But can they recruit enough people who can be as stand-offish and unwelcoming as American Embassy staff? Of course. It's Mayfair.
Trust the truth
My friend is an excellent magician. When I get him to do a trick, I say: “Go on, how do you do it?” He looks at me until I stop clapping and says: “Do you really want to know?” What he means is I won't benefit from the knowledge; it reduces the illusion to mechanics.
I thought about that when the Government released more files on supposed UFO sightings. With each recorded instance came the true explanation of events. My favourite was the silver object floating over London which turned out to be the Virgin airship advertising a new Ford Mondeo.
The file noted many people refused to accept this version of events. Lunacy? Or the desire not to shed daylight on magic? Probably lunacy — but it would be nice to think otherwise.
Why Japan is so ahead of the game
The Japanese economy has left recession. Excellent news — made only better if you say it in an “Elvis has left the building” voice. But people seem to be taking it as a chance to grumble.
Why, they whine, has Japan managed this yet we are still deep in the Peston? Think about it. Japan is nine hours ahead. So by the time this goes to press, we should be out of recession, too. Now let's hear no more about it.
