Morning:
8°c
I have a confession to make. I am a member of the domestic employer class - shock horror - and my cleaner is Chinese. She has been with me for seven years and not once have I asked to see her passport. Over the years she has imparted fascinating tidbits about her life in very broken English. How she arrived here as a prospective bride for a noodle factory owner; how she didn't fancy him and took to her bed crying every day for three months; how she worked in his factory before he miraculously released her from her bondage. She went off to work in a restaurant where she met her future husband.
It is an extraordinary tale straight out of a Victorian novel and a scenario presumably replicated all over London. I have never asked if she was an illegal immigrant. Nor would I dream of doing so. It is the height of bad manners and just not British, old boy. She is now married to a British subject and has several children.
I have a smidgen of sympathy for Baroness Scotland, not for being part of the government that introduced such unworkable immigration laws, but because we domestic employers are all in the same boat. I am not a policeman. It is up to our border controls to stop illegal immigrants coming here in the first place. That's what I pay taxes for - if they fail in their duty, then they are the ones who should be punished.
To her credit, Lady Scotland paid tax and national insurance on her cleaner's wages - which is more than can be said for most of the professional classes. Why was her cleaner's national insurance number still valid if her visa had expired? Why is there no joined-up government?
That said, I do have a sneaking admiration for those who do make it across the world and manage to outwit our authorities against the odds. Surely it is better to employ illegal immigrants rather than let them resort to crime? Businesses should be commended not fined for unknowingly employing illegal workers. The London School of Economics has calculated there are around 700,000 illegal immigrants in Britain, with more than 400,000 in London. The London economy arguably depends on them.
A colleague tells me she knows a Chinese lady who arrived on the back of a refrigeration truck two years ago leaving her nine-year-old daughter in China. She plies the streets of Shepherd's Bush and Holland Park and does a very good trade selling DVDs door to door. I don't imagine the good burghers of Holland Park ever ask to check her credentials. So they, too, are all conniving in breaking the law. Should they be prosecuted too? I rest my case, m'lud.
Fond memories of rough-and-tumble romance
Hooray for tempestuous relationships. Ronnie Wood throws out his 20-year-old Russian girlfriend after a row. Elizabeth Taylor says she would marry Richard Burton again despite the explosive rows and still keeps a photo of him by her bedside.
I recall with some nostalgia a tempestuous relationship with a former girlfriend. She used to walk out of restaurants before I had even taken a mouthful of the first course; she would spreadeagle herself across the bonnet of my car; and there was the one occasion when we exchanged blows in a club loo and ended up breaking a window.
Ah, those were the days. Now, of course, I am a model of good behaviour. But I still need the likes of Ronnie to give me vicarious satisfaction.
Novel idea for a book launch
At the launch of his Alan Clark biography Ion Trewin bravely asked his guests how many of them had bought his book. Cue an awkward silence and much shoe-shuffling. Only three people raised their hands. It has always struck me as odd that publishers hold launch parties when few people have had a chance to buy, let alone read, the book in question.
Trewin went on to announce he had a treat in store for the rest of us. We could all leave with free copies. This sets a dangerous precedent. Will other authors now be expected to follow suit? In fact, Trewin was reinstating an old tradition. Somerset Maugham used to deplore book launches because "the eminent people expect to get a signed copy of the book for nothing".
At Trewin's launch his guests cheered at his announcement. Eminent people, it seems, still like a freebie as much as the rest of us.
Clare's off to a flying start
What a rollercoaster ride it's been with plane-romp heiress Clare Irby. First we think she's a game girl for joining the Mile High Club. Then as details emerge of her stripping to her knickers and throwing her son's soiled nappy across the aisle she is transmogrified before our eyes into a chav. How could this putative Guinness heiress behave like Vicky Pollard? My initial admiration disappeared overnight. But my heart soared again the day she was cleared and emerged from court wearing decorous pearl earrings.
The media love nothing better than a posh girl who gets down and dirty. Or up and dirty in this case. But now we must steel ourselves for fresh disappointment. It transpires she is not a close member of the Guinness family after all.
It seems they are the real losers in this saga. As for Clare, surely her career will fly.
Reader views (2)
Grill them?I should hope not.They are exploited enough,without the added hazard of being cooked and eaten.
- Jimfred, London UK, 23/09/2009 09:57
Report abuse
'The London economy arguably depends on them.' I'm no economist but I do not think criminalising our economy is a good thing. It is also morally corrupt to take advantage of people in this way.
- Richard, London, England, 18/09/2009 16:55
Report abuse
