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As my text for the coming week in politics, I pray for an outburst by No 10 enforcer Malcolm Tucker, from the wonderful new series of The Thick of It.
Learning that, in addition to being married to a man embroiled in a PFI scandal and intending to send her child to a private school, Nicola Murray, the freshly-appointed Secretary of State for Social Affairs and Citizenship, suffers from claustrophobia, Tucker delivers the following tirade: "Not only have you got a f***ing bent husband, and a f***ing daughter that is taken to school in a f***ing sedan chair! You're also f***ing mental! Jesus Christ - see you - you're a f***ing omnishambles, that's what you are!"
When MPs read Sir Christopher Kelly's review on the future of MPs' allowances on Wednesday, they should take a deep breath and recall Tucker's outburst.
For it captures precisely what the public thinks of the political class, in the wake of the expenses scandal and a thousand other infractions of common sense.
The electorate's contempt for its representatives is so great that (opinion polls show) it would rather a British politician did not fill one of the big EU jobs that will be created by the Lisbon Treaty.
The voters see Parliament as irredeemably venal and corrupt, a vile bazaar where men and women go to enrich themselves camouflaged as public servants.
Peter Capaldi's portrayal of Tucker is the heart of The Thick of It not only because he is so appallingly, entertainingly brutal but also because (in his own unhinged way) he speaks for the nation in the daily kicking he gives to elected politicians.
If ever there was a Last Chance Saloon, it is this. No doubt the recommendations delivered by Sir Christopher, chairman of the Committee on Standards in Public Life, will be far from perfect.
Whoever chairs the new Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (IPSA), which will police the new system, faces the daunting task of translating tough principles into workable practice, and applying general rules to 646 highly specific cases.
That said, whatever their reservations, those 646 MPs should swallow hard on Wednesday and accept Sir Christopher's findings without a peep.
They won't, of course. There will be plenty of anger and resentment, not all of it expressed in parliamentary language.
And one person who knows that is Harriet Harman who yesterday reverted to her favourite role as parliamentary shop steward to speak up on behalf of spouses employed by MPs in their offices.
"There shouldn't be any shadow cast over the existing spouses who are working very hard," the Leader of the Commons told the BBC's Andrew Marr. "I think if they are going to suggest something, it should be for the future, they can't simply say: 'You have all got to be made redundant.'"
In fact, it seems likely that Sir Christopher will give MPs who employ their partners a decent period of time to make new arrangements.
But Ms Harman was taking a symbolic stand, signalling to her backbench tribe that she was on their side, that she understood their thwarted fury.
That she should do so on a flagship news programme tells you much about the state of play in the battle to succeed Gordon Brown as Labour leader. The party's G-spot has shifted dramatically since it chose Tony Blair in 1994.
Then, it was driven solely, and understandably, by a hunger for power and a leader who would win.
Fifteen years later, spoiled by the perks of office and the complacency that comes with three successive general election victories, Labour is turning in on itself.
Like all parties destined to lose, it has lost the taste for the unpalatable truth and prefers to please itself, to defend its privileges and to insulate itself from public anger.
In 1997, New Labour swept to power as the People's Party: or, in Blair's words, "the political arm of none other than the British people as a whole".
Now, the party hides from the people, wriggling and squirming under the unwelcome scrutiny that the expenses scandal has brought.
Which is not to say that Conservative MPs do not feel equally angry about the restrictions about to be imposed upon them.
Rather, that the Tory tribe is where Labour was in the mid-Nineties: ready to do anything to secure and hold on to office.
David Cameron will not give an inch to his parliamentary party over the Kelly recommendations.
He grasps that the only response which the public will accept is an unqualified "yes".
But Ms Harman knows that her party is headed for Opposition and that she has a good chance of leading it when Mr Brown departs.
Alan Johnson, the heir-presumptive of the hour, is suddenly in trouble, with the threat of mass resignations from the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs after the sacking of Professor David Nutt, his chief adviser on drugs policy.
As Tony Blair's chances of becoming European President dwindle, David Miliband may be tempted away to Brussels by the new post of EU foreign affairs chief.
Ed Balls's aggression has driven him to the forefront of the battle for the succession but will surely also be his undoing. Ms Harman is the only contender who is truly strategising, not least because she is the contender who wants the job most.
The Prime Minister likes to quote Barack Obama's slogan that, just as the issues got big, politics got small.
In the grand scheme of things, the quibbles of our parliamentarians are microscopic.
This is why their whingeing this week will seem so distasteful and why, once again, the voters will be raging at the "omnishambles" on their television screens, like 30 million Malcolm Tuckers.
Reader views (6)
Be aware of danger in the next few months as Labour in their death throws start to try to introduce their more wacky left-wing legislation as their underlying communist and liberal tendencies surface.
They have always wanted to control us more and more - what we do and say and how we live. They want to ban everything where there is "any risk" under the guise that they care and want the best for us.
Most of their miriad of laws have only penalised the law-abiding majority - the real criminals just laugh at them and carry on regardless with little risk to themselves.
Listen to the Queen's speech for information on these "new laws"...
I'm just hoping Cameron will win but have some doubts as to whether or not he is strong enough in character and not part-brainwashed himself to counteract all the rubbish that has gone on before - look at Lisbon...
- Mark Tucker, Calne, Wiltshire
Seriously though Folks...do any of them give a hoot?
- Gwaddilove, london england
In order to get a majority cameron has a might hill to climb and to date has not shown the same inspiration that Tony Blair showed in 1996.
Also his stance on the Lisbon Treaty is likely to lead to many tories switching to UKIP so as they say "It wont be all over until the votes have been counted!".
There will be one major difference at this election and that will be how few sitting MPs will be standing for re-election this will therefore affect loyalty voting that sitting MPs build up in office. This will affect Labour most as they have the most MPs but it will also affect the Tories as well making more room for other parties.
- Melvyn Windebank, Canvey Island, Essex
The current government is dead, but still twitching with the last of its death throes. Hopefully the disease that killed it will not become evident in the new lot for a while yet (though there is already a suggestion of it vis the EU referendum).
Reminder to DC - they won't be there to serve themselves and their own preferences, but the country full of voters who put them there.
- Rogan, Irving
Gordon has just appointed President Karzai as his spin doctor for the next election.
- Dave B, Beckenham
I've suspected for a long time that New Labour, its apparatchiks, Pa Broone et all are all either:-
(a) Thick.
(b) Thick-skinned.
(c) Don't give a 'Flying Frog' what the Public think of them. With a large Parliamentry majority, why should they.
But with arrogance, come the fall. Boy, will they fall, assuming they don't try and abolish all elections in some mad scheme to stay in office. But are they stupid enough and desparate enough to try and pull such a stunt?
- Uncle Vanya, East Anglia Area UK
