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Girls should not expect to “have it all” with careers and babies, a leading headteacher said today.
Jill Berry, president of the Girls' Schools Association, said teenage girls should be taught about the reality of life, which could involve stepping down from a high flying career to have children.
Speaking before the GSA annual conference in Harrogate next week, she said girls should not feel guilty about taking time out to raise a family. Mrs Berry added: “They will need to realise that there may be times when they might not want to work, or they might want to take a lesser job because their priorities have changed. It is important that they leave school at 18 with their eyes open.”
She said that girls should stop “beating themselves up” if they cannot juggle a career with being a wife and mother at the same time.
“Your priorities shift, but you're not selling out — you are facing reality and trying to be realistic about what you can achieve and you should stop beating yourself up about it,” said Mrs Berry. “Most women cannot keep all the plates spinning, sometimes the plates crash.”
As well as being president of the GSA, which represents the heads of leading independent girls' schools, Mrs Berry is head of Dame Alice Harpur school in Bedford.
Her comments came after fund manager Nichola Pease said last month a year's maternity leave was “too long”.
Mrs Berry said that girls have been led to expect they can have it all in recent years, which has made life seem simpler than it is.
While it was healthy for them to aim to have “a flash sports car with a baby seat in the back”, they needed to realise they would face challenges and have to make choices in life.
But she said girls should still be taught to be independent and compete with men.
Ceri Goddard, chief executive officer of the Fawcett Society, which campaigns for equality between the sexes, said: “The problem here is not women being over-ambitious. It's that our family policies and workplaces haven't shifted to reflect the reality of most women's lives — that they have little choice than to juggle motherhood and work.
“It's right that girls should be taught not to beat themselves up, when their energies would be better placed asking why workplaces can't accommodate women better.”
Reader views (4)
The one thing that bugs me about this article is the lack of male recognition. I have spoken to plenty a man who has admitted that he would prefer to stay at home and raise a family. This article still puts the pressure on women to be the sole care takers of their children. Yes, women should be reminded that they have choices and should not be pressured into a single one, but men still need to be reminded that they also have a choice and should not feel "demasculinized" if they so choose to become a stay-at-home-dad.
P.S. Frank, your comment shows your ignorance. Perhaps you should educate yourself on feminism and its history before making such assumptions.
- Sarah, Moorestown, NJ, USA
I think this head teacher's comments are eminently sensible.
No-one, of either sex, can "have it all". Life is a series of choices, and it is how we make them that defines us as human beings. Wanting to simply have everything that takes your fancy is the thinking of a spoilt child or a fool.
I remember seeing a copy of Cosmopolitan some years ago that had a series of articles peddling the notion that a woman could have a happy marriage, a passionate affair, a fantastic sex life - with both husband and lover presumably - be a wonderful mother, work all hours in a high-flying job and be a highly intellectual and spiritually person at the same time.
For this to be possible, one assumes that the other people involved in the situation would have no opinions or ambitions of their own, and be content to simply help the lucky lady "have it all".
The cover featured a flawlessly beautiful model aged about 18, while inside was an in-depth interview with Fay Weldon, then aged about 60.
It seemed to me that Cosmo were trying to convince people that they could look like the model but achieve like Fay Weldon. They were in effect peddling a fantasy of youthful beauty comnbined with the depth and success that comes with age.
This can't be done, and I am amazed that so many women are still killing themselves trying to reach this unattainable goal. Just screaming "I want!!" isn't enough.
Common sense must surely make them reaise its a fools errand.
- Andrew, Edinburgh
FINALLY someone with the guts to say it! The only women who can successfully maintain their career are those lucky enough to be able to delegate other parts of their life by employing cleaners/nannies/drivers having the cash for full-time creche care or in some other way sharing the burden. In fact, just like most fathers do . . . ! I hope there won't be a plethora of nasty messages about stay-at-home-moms (aaargh what a demeaning term!) who either choose or who have no choice about staying at home and doing all those jobs themselves in order to have children.
- Roz, France
Careful with that common sense attitude, the highly sensitive Liberal-Lefties and Bra-Burners, will get upset and vilify you.
- Frank, Home Counties, England.
