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A quirk of fate finds me two degrees of separation away from Simon Cowell, the Western world's most powerful man on telly.
Which is why last Saturday I came to be heading to Wembley Park on the Tube with the children to watch the X Factor rehearsals.
A text comes through from our mutual friend. "Simon still in bath don't be early!" I show it to nine-year-old George.
"Simon Cowell is still in the bath in the afternoon!" he exclaims, loudly enough to exact curious glances from our fellow travellers.
It's the start of a fun afternoon in which we get to roam around Wembley's Fountain Studios, posing for pictures with the likes of Cheryl (tiny and lovely), Jedward (totally full of themselves) and Joe (sweet and almost as teeny as Cheryl), getting personally signed pictures from Simon then watching the rehearsals - his tickets for the live shows all go to various hospices.
The X Factor might be attracting record audiences - 14.1 million last Sunday - but this year the gloves are off when it comes to its detractors.
"Televised karaoke", "TV at its most cynical" - one commentator even suggested it was responsible for the "death of free thought". Really? Surely it is no more than a bit of light entertainment that will be watched by half of London this weekend to distract us from the reality of being £830 billion in debt?
It's a cleverly managed talent contest, no different from Opportunity Knocks, the Sixties/Seventies show that gave us everyone from Les Dawson to Pam Ayres and Freddie Starr.
In those days even Paul Weller and The Jam wanted to get on it. (They failed the audition.) It had a ridiculous clapometer to help choose the winners and Hughie Green's mantra was "Remember, the clapometer is just for fun."
If people have forgotten the fun factor, there are those who seem to criticise Simon Cowell mainly for being successful.
I personally find it refreshing that earlier this year he was too busy to meet the US President (his diary is filled 18 months in advance) and that many of his friends are people he's known for 30 years.
In the depths of a recession, here's a chain-smoking, workaholic Londoner who indirectly employs thousands on both sides of the Atlantic, not to mention almost single-handedly keeping ITV afloat by masterminding a show that attracts £8,000-a-second adverts.
Opinionated? Sure. But if the worse thing that happens to you is Cowell telling you you can't sing or voting you off the X Factor, then welcome to the real world.
Life is difficult and if you want an easy one, free from scrutiny, don't go on national TV.
And did their X Factor experience turn my children into fame-hungry delusionists, as the moralising media would have you believe? Hardly.
Five-year-old Joe was going to take his pictures into school for show-and-tell but decided on his new Build-a-Bear instead. George had loved it but by Monday he had moved on to talking about the Dr Who one-off.
Alice was more starstruck and though Cowell couldn't make time for Obama, he indulged this seven-year-old with some important answers. His least favourite act? Lloyd.
The possible winner? Interesting. But to tell - well, that really would be spoiling the fun.
Reader views (1)
I can honestly say that having not seen more than 3 seconds of X-factor that I feel in no way out of touch, at a loss, or devoid of entertainment. The gladiatorial sacrifice of dubious talents has been done before but the blood made it interesting! This is not TV's finest day nor a reflection of how talent normally rises to the surface. More a damp squib than a shooting star...
This sort of television offers little to the viewer and I am always reminded the old childrens TV program "Why don't you" which encouraged us to "Just Switch Off Your Television Set And Go Out And Do Something Less Boring Instead?",
- Gareth, Harrow, 14/12/2009 19:42
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