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The day Gareth Thomas told me he was gay was worst of my life, says rugby star's ex-wife
Kiran Randhawa21 Dec 2009
The ex-wife of “outed” rugby star Gareth Thomas spoke for the first time today about her heartbreak when he revealed he was gay — saying it was “the worst day of my life”.
The former Wales international full-back said the secret was like a “ticking bomb” which he had tried to suppress. The 35-year-old eventually confessed to his wife Jemma in the summer of 2006, at which point his four-year marriage broke down.
But three years on, although she remains hurt at losing at the man she loved, she says she forgave him a long time ago.
Speaking two days after he publicly announced he was gay, Mrs Thomas, 33, said: “I still love Gareth and I will never stop loving him. What happened to us is just so terribly sad. He really was the perfect husband in every other way.”
The pair grew up in neighbouring villages near Bridgend in Wales and were friends long before they became lovers. Before he turned professional, Thomas, Wales's most-capped player and a former British and Irish Lions captain, was her postman.
She said: “All the girls used to go and watch the local rugby team to check out the talent. I was never very interested in rugby, I was only interested in Gareth. I was besotted with him.”
Recalling the night he revealed his secret, Mrs Thomas, who now lives in Spain, said: “He phoned me one day and said, I need to talk to you'. That night he admitted it, saying, You have to know the truth. I am gay'.
“It was the worst day of my life. It almost felt as if someone I loved had suddenly died, but he was still standing there in front of me. Alive but lost to me. I didn't feel anger — if anything, I felt sorry for him. If it had been another woman, I think I would have thrown myself off a cliff, because it would have destroyed every ounce of my self-esteem. But the fact he'd been with men, strangely almost didn't feel like cheating to me.”
The couple had moved to France two years before, when Thomas signed to Toulouse. Mrs Thomas, who had three miscarriages during her marriage, said they tried to carry on as normal for a month. But she returned to Wales a month later, saying: “I had to tell my parents because I didn't know what to do. I stayed up with my dad Trevor talking until 3am and I told him everything. I knew I still loved Gareth, but that our marriage could never survive this.”
Reader views (9)
Men have been having sex with other men since time began; even married men! Infact married men can be the worst as I learned after 7 years of marriage and 2 kids. I think many so called 'straight' men are gay but cannot cope with admitting it and the social stigma, so they do the accepted thing and get married and have kids; but sooner or later desires of the flesh catch up with them!My husband always reckoned he was bi, but I think he is probably 90% gay and 10% straight.
- Margy, London, 21/12/2009 13:21
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This sort of thing might have made the headlines 120yrs ago but not now surely?,if only Oscar Wilde had been born 80yrs later!,he might have got a knighthood.
- Jacob, Bent Kent Region1648A EUSSR., 21/12/2009 12:56
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She's a very pretty girl.
This has been the worst kept secret in Wales for years.
- Anthony, Esher, Surrey, 21/12/2009 12:50
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Men committing adultery with other men? Gaydar is full of them!
- Chris Davies, Stalybridge UK, 21/12/2009 11:53
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"but did you read Jemma's reaction to what had happened and her feelings on it?"
Yes matt, I did. And the dignified Jemma has said that she fully supports what Gareth did and the way he explained it to her. She still loves him and regrets the fact that she miscarried his two children. He is bi-sexual after all. Thery had a normal sex life for years before he felt it was the time to tell her hys secret
- Keith Price, Luton, Emgland, 21/12/2009 11:51
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This is old news. It has been the biggest known secret for years.
- Abominable Snow Man, London, 21/12/2009 11:31
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Mark H - Nice "take" on the situation, my friend, but did you read Jemma's reaction to what had happened and her feelings on it?
- Matt Aldershot, Aldershot, 21/12/2009 11:04
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A husband having an affair with another woman is one thing, but to find out that he's having an affair with another man must be a right shocker.
- Mark H, London England, 21/12/2009 10:32
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What a sad story. No one is "to blame" here. He was honest but it must be shattering for both of them.
I hope they go onto fresh lives.
- Amber In Mitcham, Mitcham Surrey, 21/12/2009 10:11
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