Afternoon:
9°c
What do they know of England who only England know? I have just returned from a two-week holiday traversing Tamil Nadu. Unfortunately, in order to secure a tourist visa, I had to give the Indian authorities a solemn undertaking that I wouldn't write about my experiences. So I can't share with you the delights of Tamil Nadu, its fabulous temples, its sensational food or the unfailing courtesy and hospitality of its people.
What I can reveal is that I've encountered more beggars on the streets of London in the past week than I did in my entire sojourn in Tamil Nadu. India is the future — 25 per cent of people in the world under the age of 25 are Indian — and Tamil Nadu is one of its most prosperous states.
I also think I can share with you details of my return flight from Chennai to Heathrow on British Airways without incurring the wrath of Shiva. I haven't flown with BA for 20-odd years and it was an eye-opener. Full marks to BA for punctuality and inflight entertainment (excellent choice of films from Julie & Julia to The Reader). But the BA cabin steward was unfathomably rude to the mainly Indian passengers and made me squirm with embarrassment.
Why did he refuse to help any of us load our hand luggage into the overhead lockers? Or even deign to show us where we might find a free locker to stow away our bags? When an Indian passenger gently remonstrated with him, the steward replied tartly: “It's my duty to stay at the back of the plane.” Was he already on strike? OK, we all have bad hair days, but it left a sour note in the air. And what an appalling impression to give a first-time visitor to England (I was sitting next to one).
The next day I witnessed bank rage at my local branch of Lloyds in Kensington High Street. For some reason there are never enough cashiers to man the tills so a huge queue of impatient customers always quickly builds up. The man in front of me had had enough and hurled abuse at the staff.
It was a disgrace, he shouted, that Lloyds had to be bailed out by taxpayers with billions of pounds and yet the bank couldn't even find enough staff to man its tills: “Get me the manager!” “I am the duty manager.” “Get behind the till!” “I can't get behind the till because I'm not a cashier.”
So what do I know of England after my trip to India? That we are a nation of jobsworths and British Airways and Lloyds Bank still have a long way to go in improving customer relations. It used to be said that to be born British was to win the first prize in the lottery of life. In my next life I would like to be born an Indian.
You've made Christine bristle - get shaving Adrian
Please can someone explain why the BBC's Adrian Chiles has grown a beard? Some have cruelly likened the television presenter to a Shakespearean potato, others think his facial hair looks very distinguished and could win him back Christine Bleakley. Not that he was ever “with” Christine Bleakley, as far as we know.
I am not a pogonophile (lover of beards) and side with the wife of Alfred, Lord Tennyson, arguably the greatest pogonophile of them all. She compared her hubby to a lazy monk from Mount Athos, kept urging him to shave, and wrote to a friend saying: “I wish the public could compel Alfred by Act of Parliament to cut off his beard!”
The store that makes an apple a display object
Waitrose has been named Britain's most popular supermarket in a poll carried out by Which? It was ranked top, with a satisfaction rating of 79 per cent.
I think it thoroughly deserves its place, judging by my experience yesterday. I went to M&S in search of chillies and lemongrass. It had neither. A quick trip to Waitrose rectified the problem.
M&S could give Waitrose a run for its money at one stroke if it focused more on its stocklist and less on its elaborate packaging. It sells food as if it's an artwork that needs to be carried.
Do its apples really have to be turned into display objects? Why do they have to sit on plastic trays wrapped inside another layer of plastic? I am happy to pay 5p for a plastic bag but irked by the superfluous packaging.
I have been invited to join the 2010 edition of Global Who's Who. No, I'd never heard of it either. “We are please to inform you that your candidacy was formally approved January 4th, 2010,” read the email. “Congratulations. The Committee selected you as a potential candidate based not only upon your current standing, but … given your background, the Director believes your profile makes a fitting addition to our publication. On behalf of our Committee I salute your achievement.”
My current standing? My background? My achievement? I am afraid vanity got the better of me and I diligently filled in my details in order to complete the verification process.
Two minutes later I got an email from my sister. She had just been invited to join International Who's Who of Professionals for 2010. Sounds like a scam, she noted. Oops. Had I been had? As Homer Simpson said: “Extended warranty? How can I lose?”
Reader views (19)
Sebastian.. Thanks for your good words. But sadly its not as rosy as you saw. I dont know, but people in my country (India) are always nice to white people. Most of them have good things to say. But having been in US for some years (I assume UK is like US), I will say we have to go a loooooooong way in terms of being polite/courteous/well-mannered. And with reg to your point on beggars, though its good to hear, I'm just laughing, becuase I know the bare knuckled truth. India still has a lot of below poverty line people.
That said, I should also mention that yes, my country is rapidly growing. My city is not the same as I saw when I was growing up. People are getting richer and richer. All that I'm asking is mellow the words, dont create the paranoia, let us be the same-ol' people. Such reports create hysteria/paranoia among readers in western world, while the reality is hidden deep beneath. When we truly become developed, we by ourselves will announce our march into the league. Thanks
- Ranga, Greenbelt, USA, 23/03/2010 21:46
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I am proud to be Indian &India is progressing day by day while we British are busy in WARS &brings more &more ditructions all over the world.
We must learn to respect each other and accept others way of living and don't try to become GOD.We can't correct every one but we can help each other not by wars but by LOVE & PEACE.Julie.
- Julie Bharmal, london, 18/03/2010 12:46
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It was a beautiful article. I can never understand why praising one is always taken as criticising other. It should be taken in the right spirits. We all like to talk about the down sides of some places and good sides of others. But if it happens the other ways it clearly is not acceptable by some.
If there are good bits to India we must praise it. And airlines and hospitality is worth a praise. With all the new airlines launched and investments on the staff, it definitly does show the difference. I guess if one travels by one of the oldest airlines in India you would surely see the difference and I am sure praise the new ones.
I am sure governments in both the countries are working towards their own issues and will keep doing that until resolved. So lets all praise the good until then. It has taken a long time for us to reach the good and its worth appreciation.
- Ps, oxford, uk, 12/03/2010 14:54
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Hi Sebastian,
I really liked your article on your Tamilnadu visit and I felt really proud to be born Indian -Tamilian.
We are known for our hospitality and we live by the Thirukkural which explains the hospitality as below.
As the anicham flower (a tender flower) fades in smelling, so fades the guest when the face is turned away. May be BA staff don't know & understand this.
Thanks for the article and keep posting lot of these good articles on us 
- Sivakumar, Chennai, India, 11/03/2010 09:45
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I Really appreciate Sebastian Shakespeare for his Honest and Humble words about truth. Never mind the Country we born in or live in after all we are human and human has to be respected by all means. I heard many times about British Airways crew dishonor non-Europeans. Usually I used to take BA flight to fly back home faster but from now I would be late for few hours to fly home but I will never take BA and will never let at least a few more. It may not be lose to BA but we can keepup our self respect as it is our biggest asset than anything.
- Keerti Narayana, Newport, Wales, UK, 03/03/2010 23:14
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Taken in the right perspective, this article once again reaffirms the fact one cannot generalize anything, anywhere in the world. Not everything is good outside India and not everything bad, inside. Period.
But more often than not we just do not pause to realize this. The biggest complainers about India are the ones who have left the country 'somehow' and within a week or so of getting out, start talking as if they have always known everything there is to be known and they have the remedies for everything that ails the country. The fun part is these gullibles all the time mistake such whining for genuine concern.
These cowards who did not have the guts to stay back and do something about all the shortcomings they saw in India, have the cheek to comment - just because they can write in English and have internet access.
As long as Indians have this attitude (which does not look like changing anytime this century) only people like Sebastian can make us realize who we are and what we have, in our country.
The rest will all shamelessly stick to their own 'herd mentality' ways.
- Jveeman, Chennai, India., 03/03/2010 02:27
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This author is out of his freaking mind.
I am a native Indian who escaped to America during it's extreme socialist phase 39 years ago. America today cannot function without its Indian immigrants. The health care system, university system, IT and hospitality sectors would simply collapse without Indians.
I have just returned from a month in India visiting Mumbai, Goa and Pune. We go there every year to bask in the warmth of friends and family, and the personal hospitality of individual Indians is still unseen in the West. However, while it is no longer extreme socialist, its economy is booming and I now see steady improvements in the infrastructure with every annual visit, India overall remains one of the poorest and filthiest countries anywhere, where even the educated middle and upper classes have little or no no civic sense whatsoever, corruption rules the day in virtually every sphere of Indian civic life and beggars still abound in spite of the efforts of the various NGO's that are supposed to address this blight. Extreme wealth co-exists with extreme poverty as we saw in the brutally vivid scenes in Slumdog Millionaire and millions live on the very edge of survival.
As for the future - we can only hope. For the first time I saw commercials on TV featuring popular Bollywood star Aamir Khan addressing the frequent despicable behavior towards foreign women who are at risk of assault by sexually repressed Indian males wherever they go in India.
- Mariog, Toledo, Ohio, 01/03/2010 15:44
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Dear Sebastian,
If you want to praise India please go ahead but not at the expense of Britain. You are talking about beggars in Britain where millions of bogus asylum seekers are living here by the government aid which I think nothing less than a begging in a modern way and sophisticated style. You are talking about racism in the flight then take this, This country is accommodating the people from every part of the world and foreign people are getting the best jobs, still foreign people are not getting beaten up on the streets on regular basis, but in India if you read the Indian papers carefully you will see that people get beaten up just because they are from another states let alone from another country. In India we have more racism than UK. You are talking about the Bank staff in England then please go to any Government office in India and see how things get done there and you will stop dreaming about India.
You will never find the greatness of this country unless you born somewhere else or have to live somewhere else compulsorily. I was born and brought up in India and lived there for more than 35 years. And I have traveled to so many countries but I have not found a single country with the people who are more helpful and well mannered and respectful than Britain. I am British now and I am proud of it. I think you should swap your Nationality with any of the Indian who has a dream to come to Britain with agreement never to come back.
Raj
- Rajendra, MANCHESTER, UK, 28/02/2010 20:51
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"But the BA cabin steward was unfathomably rude to the mainly Indian passengers and made me squirm with embarrassment."
I had a bad encounter, My connecting flight from Zurich to Rome. They served one measely croissant on the flight with a glass of water. They dont give bottles of water like our Indian flights do. And of course they take away everything (as soon as they can)! And since I hadn't finished my water when the man asked me if he should clear everything, I said "allright, thank you". After 10-15 mins I started coughing - I dont know why, this was just few minutes before they asked us to put our seat belts on to land. I asked for water - just a simple glass of water - and of course if it was a white man it wouldn't have been a problem, but seeing that I was Indian and his racist streak totally came out- he said "After you threw that previous glass away (which was a good 15 minutes prior and was less than half a glass), you want me to give you more water! Forget it!"
I was honestly too zapped to say anything... I asked another flight steward after a few minutes (recovering from that harsh answer), who is your head steward? I would like to lay a complain... And guess who he pointed to! That same rude man! Ah and mind you, I was travelling Business Class!
These are small incidents but they reflect that the colour of your skin makes a difference! This is what's really sad and disappointing!
- R, Mumbai, India, 24/02/2010 13:55
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One of the best article i have read. Let me take this opportunity to Thank Mr Shakespeare.
A word to Mr Navin, it is not that the entire part of India like that. Please go to local municipal corporation, how many housing board were built in the last three years for this slum people.
Do come on the ground and play, sitting on the other part of the world you wont know.
And it is said to note you want to born again in India. I am sorry to say this.
What we dont offer here?
- Bala, Mumbai & Chennai / India, 24/02/2010 08:59
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"I've encountered more beggars on the streets of London in the past week than I did in my entire sojourn in Tamil Nadu" - Mr Shakespeare has seen only the bright side of India. Have you not seen a movie called Slumdog Millionire ? I request you to plan your next trip to a slum in Mumbai. Please forgive me but I must say that the condition of people living in slums is no better than a beggar in India.
I am living in UK from past 5 years and I must say that the quality of life here is much much better than anywhere else in the world. Unlike India you don't struggle for basic amenities like water, gas, electricity.
I do miss my country but I still prefer to stay here.
Like you, I also would like to be born as an Indian in my next 20 lives.
- Navin Pathak, London, 04/02/2010 09:52
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You emphasise the point I was making, Chris, NY.
It's a big ambition of many in India, to leave the country. Not only the brightest and educated, who make it to live in America. Growing numbers of the ambitious poor pay gigantic fees on loans to be trafficked to Britain, or get here and to Canada and Australia on illegal student visas. Even for the educated in India, opportunities are not so easy to come by. Despite qutoa's, getting ahead requires good connections. The headline statement makes no sense. Few who leave India, legally or illegally, ever return to live. Only to visit.
The headline comes across as a patronising one, an unthought-through superficial remark many of us might think after a happy holiday. It dismisses and overlooks the very real complexities of problems and recent food hike prices which are now leaving millions in hunger. The large numbers who are sick are without prospects of treatment and medicine.
In other words, billions of Indians conditions, and those who leave, make a mockery of the statement. I do agree that Tamil Nadu has very gracious and friendly people.
- Nisha, Bristol, 01/02/2010 12:40
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Perhaps people should read "Smile of Murugan" by Michael Wood to understand what Sebastian is feeling.
- Suresh, London, 31/01/2010 11:06
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'I've encountered more beggars on the streets of London in the past week than I did in my entire sojourn in Tamil Nadu'
Did we visit any slums on you superficial tourist jaunt? No? Congratulations Mr Shakespeare, with this mind bendingly dumb comment, you have just been awarded with Troll status.
Next week, write about we all want to live in Somalia because 'it is nice and warm'.
- James, London, 31/01/2010 00:53
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I am really elated about comments on Tamil Nadu by a Britisher. Always Tamil Community was the target to make fun at, and other stste people in India itself left no stone turned to take the opportunity of humiliating for our diction and pronunciation(including Bollywood) Such a pleasing comment from a foreigner.
- Krishnaveni, Nagpur,Maharashtra,India, 30/01/2010 17:06
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Just before Xmas I stepped onto a coach in the South of France and stepped off in Central London, 8:30am Monday morning. Culture shock? More like septic shock. But I think rudeness is a London issue because a week later in rural Gloucestershire archetypal English manners were the norm.
- Stephen Isherwood, Epping, Essex, 29/01/2010 22:03
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Nisha- what a dumb statement, thousands and I mean thousands of young Indians work in Wall St, Ny in Financial services, IT, etc. Half of the scientists at NASA are Indian.
They are hungry, brigth and compettive,hard working, so yes, they are the ones to watch.
- Chris, NY, 29/01/2010 17:41
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".. I've encountered more beggars on the streets of London in the past week .."
Tell us something new. Labours open door policy has destroyed this country. We are the dumping ground for the third world. Everyone knows Labour will quite happily steal the very money out of our piggy banks to throw away on the wasters of the world.
- Frank, Home Counties, England., 29/01/2010 15:23
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Then Sebastian, make sure that you are not born into the billions of Indians who live in town and rural abject poverty. That you return among the elite whose life is made comfortable by those whose job assurity means being subservient in the job, if they want to keep it.
Look at your fellow journalist story about Sukhwinder Singh and the hordes leaving India, legally or illegally, to migrate to Britain. Or the US, Canada or Australia. Even India's rising economy hasn't stopped the big outward flow of migrants. A contrary pattern as usually the flow is inwards.
What a foolish statement to make to head a foolish article. Which of us haven't returned home from a pleasant, sunny holiday stay and immediately longed to return and live there? Most of us never get paid for expressing that wish. Maybe we should all wish to return to our next lives as columnists!
- Nisha, Bristol, 29/01/2010 13:44
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